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November 2000

In this issue:    Introduction    News    Contest!     Blair Witch 2 Review     Spookshow 2000    PLUS: So You Wanna Be a Millionaire?, From the Grave and Halloween Hell.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 **

Well, then. It's a good thing I can't spell 'abomanable", or this would have been a much more scathing review. This movie is so devoid of scares it makes me yearn for the sheer terror of the frighteningly arranged rock piles of the original. If the purpose of this film was to make the first one look good, then they've done a damn fine job, since the cinematic majesty of bothersome people yelling at each other while the camera has what appears to be multiple epileptic seizures is about three steps up from this simple-minded trash . Granted, there were a few creepy moments, like the part where I fell asleep and the scary music gave me nightmares about midgets, or the part where I thought I saw the guy who used to bully me in junior high sitting in the seat in front of me, but it just turned out to be a stack of coats. While the first movie at least had a marginally interesting plot and some partially compelling stock characters, this movie has carefully sifted through the recycling bins of bad screenwriters the world over to come up with the most stupendously cliched characters in the history of bad horror movies. There's not a single character on the screen that I wouldn't kill myself given half the chance, and remember you're talking to a guy who once sat through the entire Leprechaun series. Twice. So you know my annoyance threshold is fairly high. The writers, in this case Dick Beebe and Joe Berlinger, threw in every possible irritating stereotype imaginable: goths, wiccans, stoners, commies, women... even a token redneck sheriff. All they need is some sassy black comic relief and they could do a sitcom. The picture even runs about as long as a TV show, mostly due to the fact that the filmmakers seem to get as bored as the audience and just kind of end the movie sometime during the fifth reel. And judging from missing scenes in the trailer, much of the film has been edited out, making for some rather glaring omissions, such as any semblance of a satisfying conclusion. Plus, the closest thing to an actual Book of Shadows in the movie is a decidedly unscary road map, which is not exactly edge-of-your-seat material. But then again, neither was Leprechaun 4.

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