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Christmas 1999
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I really expected to like this movie, since as you well know I’m a sucker for movies with biblical themes. Unfortunately for End Of Days, I am also a sucker for movies that appear not to have been adlibbed by community theatre rejects, and I also tend to appreciate not being subject to every single horror movie cliché ever used and abused by hack writers and directors for the past twenty years. The whole movie is essentially a overdone Christ metaphor, provoking obvious comparisons to The Matrix but as much as it pains me to say it, Keanu Reeves is a much better Jesus than Arnie. At least Keanu has mastered the complex art of English, although he does get tripped every once in a while when he has to contend with more than one syllable at a time. The basic premise has Gabriel Byrne as the Devil, who shows up in New York at the end of the millennium to get funky with Robin Tunney, who plays CHRISTine York, a young innocent being groomed as Satan's bride by rejects from Rosemary’s Baby. Of course the only person who can save her is the bafflingly named Jericho Cane, played by the inimitable (at least if you want to work in Hollywood ever again), Arnold Schwartzenegger who must overcome a series of terribly trite obstacles in order to finally die for our sins in the climactic (read: loud) finale, replete with soaring violins and a tearful goodbye. If Arnold Schwartzeneggar is the closest thing we can come up with as a saviour for our entire race, then the Apocalypse can’t come fast enough in my book.
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