April 2001

April 30/2001 (10:41 PM) ~ posted by Ash
Happy Walpurgis Nacht, everybody. Just thought I'd remind everyone that if you have any extra infants lying around, now's the time to slaughter them for Satan. Also, be on the lookout for some new stuff in the PULP deleted scenes section, as well as new issue of PULP that might actually be on time for once! I'd write more, since it's been a while since my last post, but I've just seen the new Lady Marmalade video and I need some time to recover.
 

April 28/2001 (1:51 AM) ~ posted by JP
I've just completed work on the Tangmonkey Comics page, go have a look, I'm quite happy with it but I'd like to hear your opinion. Special thanks to Craig for his top-corner graphic and Sean for his writing and design-critique. The reason we've moved to having a comics index page is that now we've got more that one comic! That's right, we've got two.

The new comic is called Evil Love Comic and you should check it out right now. Marc Chenot draws it and will most likely be posting here in the future reguarding the comic and any other stuff he might want to talk about.

I'm going to bed.
 

April 27/2001 (11:27 AM) ~ posted by JP
Check out this song by MC Frontalot, Yellow Laser Beam. Nerdcore Hip-hop? Oh yes. Gotta love the Super Mario baseline halfway through.

I grabbed that link off Penny-Arcade which is a great online comic strip. I should be interviewing the guys who draw it for the upcoming "Tangmonkey Columns" section if they ever get back to me. Do you want to write a weekly column for Tangmonkey? Just email Sean or I and we'll fly you down to TM Headquarters to discuss your concept, you'll even get a fruit basket!

Isn't this a great follow-up to yesterday's post? I think so.
 

April 26/2001 (11:45 AM) ~ posted by Sean
It's been an interesting couple of weeks. The creator of the Smiley Face died, Québec city went down, and the Bush cadre proved themselves, without a doubt, to be immoral bastards.

I mean for God''s sake! The anti-tobacco cases are finally at the point that they may reach some sort of fruition, big child-killing business is finally on the run, decades upon decades of deceit, murder, and corruption are finally being dealt with, and the Republicans kill the budget!? How can they pretend to be anything but corporate-led a**holes, maintaining dignified stiff upper-lips while allowing some of American's richest, most evil men get off free?

And don't fool yourself; Canada's little better. The Summit of the Americas, in its attempt to revolutionize democracy, set up a 10-million dollar wall to separate the people who are actually important, from the people who think they're important. I consent that the protesters should not have been given free reign around the Summit area, and that even the little violence that occurred in Seattle should not be repeated, but should we be proud of a government that sets up a barbed-wire perimeter around top-secret trade discussions, while lobbing tear gas cannisters at people dressed like the Statue of Liberty?

It makes me want to scream and shout and break things. It makes me very, very angry, and frustrated.

I'm not going to give you any fun-fun-fun yuk-yuk "man eaten by bird" links. Go watch a short film with meaning, or read an excellent, excellent, enlightened interview with KRS-One. While you're there, read the rest of this week's Onion - it's a very good issue, and their intelligent, poignant satire reinforces just how horrible, hurtful, hateful and, occasionally beautiful things can be.
 

April 25/2001 (1:59 PM) ~ posted by JP
We've got an IRC channel now! yay!

You can connect via a normal IRC program using irc.be.quakenet.eu.org and #tangmonkey for the server and channel respectively or you can go to the forum and click the new chat link at the top of the screen. Clicking this will open a window where you'll be asked to enter your forum username and password and then it'll launch the IRC appelet that will allow you to chat on #tangmonkey!

If you're going to use an external IRC client to connect keep checking back here every once and while for the next few days, we may have to move #tangmonkey to a new server if I can't get a bot running on this one. If you're using the web-based IRC in the forum and we switch servers you won't even notice the change.

Email me if you have any questions, comments or problems with the new chat feature.
 

April 25/2001 (10:19 AM) ~ posted by Ash
Is there a better way to spend an afternoon than watching Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will while listening to Motorhead? Yes, and that's watching Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will and listening to Motorhead while popping Paxil like Tic-Tacs. Hooray for anti-depressants!
 

April 23/2001 (12:58 PM) ~ posted by JP
It's official, we've sold out.

I'm referring of course to the banner that I added to the forum this morning, it's at the bottom so you it won't "cloud your mind" while you're posting, in fact you'll probably never see it unless you really want to. The advertising company absolutely loves this.

Here's my plea, please click the banner every once and a while. As some of you know I've been funding Tangmonkey out of my own pocket since the very beginning but recently I've been finding it harder and harder to afford it so we're making an effort to make Tangmonkey a self-sustaining entity. We're not out to make a profit here, we just need to pay server costs.

Now a threat: If you don't click the banner in the forum we'll be forced to put banners elsewhere on the site and maybe even add evil pop-ups! If that doesn't work we'll just ransack your house :)

Thanks.
 

April 21/2001 (6:00 PM) ~ posted by Sean
I am a sucker for style.

As I troll the net, hunting for tiny morsels of worthwhile content to feed to you - my fuzzy little wuzzies - I find myself torn between the desire to make you laugh (and thus, fall in love with me), and the desire to share the true Goods that the Internet has to offer. Sure, there's the porn and the baby smashing, but there are also a great deal of artists and designers who craft astounding things in this medium, and leave them open for all to see.

eggpants is just a little story in pictures, but it's wonderful.

Not do worry, I do have my fair share of tasteless Find A Grave and horrible 70s interior design websites to share with you. I'm not totally blinded by my altruistic investigations into the nature of Art on the Net.

First of all, there's this fuckin' cool (nay, batshit crazy!) stick-man fight that's been making the rounds. Unluckily for many (viz. Louise), most of the site's mirrors have been taken down due to excessive traffic. The original still stands, however! Though I advise you to watch it while you can.

Do yoo have trubbles with your orthography? Join the Free Speling Moovment [sic]! If your problems are reserved for issues related to the pronunciation of "nuclear", we've got help for you too! What's that? The problem is simply that you're a confused teen? Well, get a load of these 'confused teen' book covers! Pay special attention to the author of "Hi There, High School!"

Some time ago, I linked to an article by Will Leitch about the daily barrage of castigatory emails he was receiving from some anonymous fellow. Well, that whole sorry story reached fruition -- Will Leitch was soundly fired.

Poor chap. I imagine what happened to him is likely to repeat itself in the case of whoever broke into Yale's ultra-secret, world-ruling Skull & Bones society, or whoever at Tangmonkey Beverages procrastinated to the point that someone beat us to the punch with Carbonated Milk Drinks. All I'll say is that it must be uncomfortable for the cows.

The Dreamworks film A.I. has got some crazy-cool underground marketing going for it, as does this new movie called "Star Wars". Ever heard of it? Geez, you must be a geek.

Finally, I will end on a few totally unrelated notes. 1) Eminem's a talentless asshole. 2) It's 'pop', not 'soda', dammit! 3) Dance! 4) If only they could do this to Pauly Shore in real life. And, last but not least.... 6) Is there such a thing as too much Little Mermaid? Yes. Yes, there is.

PS: Wanna write a weekly column, on any subject, for TANGMONKEY? There's still time.
 

April 21/2001 (9:23 AM) ~ posted by Mike Serra
If you like hair loss, then you should check out the new Bug & Robot comic strip! It's up and ready for you to enjoy, just like I was for your mother last night! Just kidding. Actually, I'm impotent. Go read Bug & Robot.
 

April 16/2001 (12:58 AM) ~ posted by Ash
Continuing in the tradition of apparently being the only person to post news on tangmonkey, I'd like to take a moment to annouce a tragic passing. Yes, kids, it's true. Today, Sunday April 14th, marks the end of an era. The one, the only, the great Jeffrey Hyman, AKA Joey Ramone, passed away this afternoon. I'm too choked up to continue. I need a moment.
 

April 16/2001 (12:34 AM) ~ posted by Ash
Well the new PULP is up, as is some new hate mail up on the deleted scenes page. I'm still recovering from having to spend the weekend entertaining the members of Crankenstein, so this post will end now.


 

April 13/2001 (12:36 AM) ~ posted by Ash
Just a reminder that all true PULP and tangmonkey records supporters in the Montreal area should go to Bar St. Laurent tomorrow (technically today), Friday April 13 to see rock and roll legends CRANKENSTEIN perform their world-famous brand of really crappy music. The show is at 3874 St. Laurent, starts at 10 pm, and at measly 6 bucks is the best bargain for Friday night action since they reduced the porn movie prices at Movieland. And speaking of sex, the band will be making an unscheduled post-show appearance at Club Super Sexe that evening as well, provided the manager lets them play with their instruments. And for the record, let me say that I'll lay down dollars to donuts that the bad guy in the new Alex Cross thriller Along Came A Spider actually turns out to be a woman.
 

April 11/2001 (11:28 PM) ~ posted by Ash
Well, that little tangmonkey experience was quite trying. There was so much crap I wanted to whine about, and nowhere to do it. And now, finally, I have a place to vent again, and all I have to say is that there is no worse combination of words in the english language than "plus, a full hour of Will and Grace!". Also, the new PULP is out. I don't know when it'll be up on the site, but if you want an advance copy, sign up to the PULP mailing list by emailing to pulp@stupid.com.
 

April 11/2001 (8:56 PM) ~ posted by Sean
In order to tide you over until the site is fully 100% sweet-functional again, I thought I'd gift you with a linkpost. Given, it's not as exciting as artificially fattened celebrities, but at least it's something.

Before I get started, I'm just going to remind you all that you can get to your TangMail by visiting http://tangmonkey.mail.everyone.net/.

Now then, as you can see to the above left, I have recently gone gonzo (or, as Neale would have me say: "batshit") for pixel art. It seems that I can overcome some of my inability to make competent artwork, when doing things really really small. I was inspired, of course, by flipflopflyin and, more precisely, its author's sublime artwork in his funfunfun project. If you like funfunfun, check out the Christmas version.

Sometimes, the establishment can be cool. NASA's Earth Lights map continues to amaze, and the CBC redeemed itself for turning down a pitch for a new alternative/youth radio station, when it made a groovycool website istead. The US has also got its National Institute of Standards and Technology, which this article paints as a pretty hip kinda place. Of course, if the Institute is cool, that makes being a nerd cool. Which is sort of like a nerd winning a fight. I don't think they're supposed to do that.

Unless, of course, they're members of the Justice League of America. "Pah," you scoff, "no nerd could join the JLA alongside Superman and Green Lantern!" Well, surprise surprise, the Web has proven you wrong. The Justice League's got job openings.

Are you an American who is embarassed about the United States' behaviour? Now you can apologize for your President. Or perhaps you could do as the Russians do, and... throw cream pies made of horse sperm.

Throw enough horse sperm around, and there won't be any horses left. (Unless you have particularly good aim and there are female horses nearby, that is. [oh god sean, that's terrible]) Some would argue that fewer horses is a good thing - the world suffers from overpopulation. But wait... wouldn't it be better to get rid of humans? I mean, sure, horses are smelly, but humans are really screwing things up.

Righto - join the Church of Euthanasia and kill yourself. Or, if you're more consumer-oriented, support the Internet's Finest Human-Meat Merchant, ManBeef.com.

All right, let's just wind through some other stuff. Think sitcoms aren't funny? Apparently their executives can be. Here's an official response from "Will and Grace" central, to a "Gay people are just deluded" Christian inquiry.

Be sure to check out and help judge the 5k awards, the Net's classiest design contest. While you're at it, put your evaluatory skills to work wheeling and dealing at the soulXchange. Then bounce your way to Melanie Griffith's insurmountably nauseating (and almost unbelievable) homepage, and, once you feel sufficiently dirty, redeem yourself by voting for 7 new Wonders of the World.

Finally, cleanse your palate with a terrific interview with Salon.com's Editor in Chief, rejoice at the thought that Microsoft's Clippy is no more, and stare at some non-pornographic Breast Art.

Wow. What a day. Only one thing could make it better. You guessed it: Zombo.com
 

April 11/2001 (12:47 PM) ~ posted by Sean
Hi everyone.

Well, as you see below, we're sort of back. JP will post soon, explaining exactly what's going on (I'm still not entirely sure). Most things seem to be working, however.

http://mail.tangmonkey.com is not, and neither is the email login below. However this works a charm for logging into your mailbox, so have no fear.

Ta.
 

April 7/2001 (2:06 PM) ~ posted by JP
Gah! The internet is evil in so many ways.

• We're back on our original server so now everything works, yay!


• When I say everything I mean everything but email, apparently this "new economy" isn't open on the weekends so hopefully email will be back up monday or tuesday, again, I'm terribly sorry about this, I'll make it up to you somehow.


• There's a new Bug & Robot


• We're moving to a new host ASAP, we'll try to minimize disruptions but there's only so much we can do. Hopefully this hullabaloo will be over within a week.

Take a look at that photograph. That's right: examine it. Extrapolate. Use your deductive skills. Yeah, your deductive ones. You know - the skills that allowed you to figure out that Mrs. Peacock did it, or that Harry stole your roommate's door. Deduce.

Excellent. So, I presume you've figured out the significance of the image at left. No, it's not a Mexican examining snow, nor is it a Spanish cowboy remarking upon corn that's spontaneously popped due to the heat at a soccer game. In fact, the photograph depicts a groundskeeper in Tuscon, Arizona. He is bending down and picking up feathers. Why? Because a dove had just been hit with a fastball and exploded. But you deduced that already, didn't you.

Yeah, there's a video. And yeah, it's cool.

So April Fools came and went. We received no frantic comments about our own prank, apart from our own VP in Charge of Rhythm & Web, who momentarily thought the site had been hacked. There were some cool Poissons d'Avril in other places, however. Star Wars.com did things retro-style and Locus Online made fun of world-famous science-fiction authors, but my favourite is the NASA footage of the first space quidditch match.

As cool as those things are, however, they've got absolutely nothing on the new Fatboy Slim video. Directed by Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich), who also directed 'Praise You''s crazy-cool amateur dance troupe clip, this video has Christopher Walken rockin' out old-school. And it's good

Now then, back to what's important.

With Henry the Hand®'s 4 Principles of Hand Awareness, you can "STOP the SPREAD of GERMS". My favourite is the advice not to stick your fingers into your eyes. I imagine kids who are in the habit of shoving grimy digits into their pupils are in no position to read the website.

Waferbaby frequently posts episodes of Fusion - a surreal comic wherein one person starts the strip, and then passes it on the nine other people, who each only get to see the previous panel. My favourite? A Fish Story. Hooray for carousels!

Some of you may have heard that Bob Dylan was the one who introduced the Beatles to marijuana. But who was the journalist who coordinated the meeting and the exchange of illicit substances? This guy, and his drug story's pretty cool. That said, his drug story isn't that cool. Lance's is better.

Ever noticed the similarity between the names of porn stars and those of My Little Ponies? Someone did.

Finally, since Forum-goers seem to be big on philosophy, here's another article by moral philosopher Peter Singer. This time he argues convincingly in favour of enormous charitable donations. Sure beats spending your money on Monkey Phone Calls.