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Some time after January 2000

In this issue:    Steele Haze    Dracula    Ash Wednesday    The Year in Review    Fountain Society   and    Disturbing Music Videos.
 
Top Five Most Disturbing Music Videos of All Time
Ash

 
In the interests of providing more insight into the turbulent and tortured mind of Ash, and by that of course we mean filling more space, here are some of the most worrisome music videos Ash has ever encountered during long hours of napping on the couch while Much Music blares its corporate rock pap into his semi-lucid brain, forever imprinting him with the indelible marks of contrived hits and formula-driven bands, and leaving him with an odd sleepy sensation whenever he hears Britney Spears.  
 
1) It's Coming Down - Danzig  
This video is so distressing I can't even hint at its content without crossing my legs and wincing. Let's just leave it at saying that there are some parts of the body that just shouldn't be nailed to a plank of wood.  
 
2) Closer - Nine Inch Nails  
A naked man meets a meat grinder. Hijinks ensue.  
 
3) I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys  
AJ's hat makes me feel funny and I don't like it one bit.  
 
4) Going Down - Mel C  
Sporty Spice becomes Sexually Confused Spice and tries to break into the alterna-rock genre. Hijinks ensue.  
 
5) No Leaf Clover - Metallica  
Metallica and a symphony orchestra, together at last. I don't think their hair was all that got cut off when they adopted their new look.  
 
Well now that was fun, wasn't it, kids? And will you look at that, it took up half a page. How convenient.

 




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