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January 2000

In this issue:    Welcome Back   Musings on the 20th Century   A new cartoon   What is the Matrix?   Spam Sale   Relativity: Part 2   and   Captain Blood.
Musings on the 20th century

Well, it's here - the year 2000, the year with a 2 where the 1's supposed to be, and frankly I'm disappointed. There were supposed to be flying cars and vacations to Mars and tasty snacks that were good for you, too. Computers were supposed to change everything, and talk to you. Instead, they just beep and display stupid error messages like AA VALID CREDIT CARD NUMBER IS REQUIRED TO ACCESS GERMAN-S&M-FEST.COM@ It also takes about an hour to load a picture of Cindy Crawford naked.  
Of course that's not to say that nothing important's happened this century; A world war so unpopular they made a sequel, a cold war that almost got the world nuked, computers, medicine, TV, the bikini, airplanes, cars, etc... Actually, now that I think of it there was a lot of stuff that happened. Still I'm upset about a few things:  
1. What about that apocalypse that was supposed to happen New Year's Eve? I was looking forward to that. Stupid horsemen not showing up. And what about that giant spaceship carrying Jesus that was supposed to take us to the fourth dimension?  
2. The Internet has not changed my life like they said it would (except for my sex life of course)  
3. Elizabeth Hurley beat out Audrey Hepburn for the title of ABabe of the Century@ in a survey. Sure, Hurley's hot, but I'd rather have Audrey Hepburn in the sack any day (that is if she weren't about 80 years old)  
4. If I hear one more smart-aleck remind me that the century doesn't end till 2001, they're in for a good smacking  
5. I'm still waiting for them to invent diet lard.  
Oh well, I guess you can't satisfy everyone. Better luck next century.

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