1) Dear Mr. Ash
I was quite upset by your diatribe against the outstanding period piece
Gladiator. Here, for once, is a movie all about family values and in your
demonic and slithery way you go about defiling everything that is righteous
and good about Holy-wood. Shame on you, sir. Eeyore is definitely showing
his strong bent toward the importance of family values when he fails to dis
Gladiator and thus give it a major endorsement by default. Please cancel my
subscription to this spurious obfuscating trash bag of digital merde ASAP.
100 Acre Woods
Editor: Eeyore is not showing a strong bent towards family values. Eeyore
is, I suspect, showing a strong bent towards not actually have seen the
movie. The fact that he didn't hate it may suggest to the layman that he
enjoyed the film, but an experienced Eeyore connoisseur will no doubt tell
you that such a thing is not possible.
2) goddamnit yur lucky i`m drunk
i`m prettty pissed off jack was cancelled but don`t be too hard on the t.v
cman jeez look at channel 5 at about. midnight softcore french porn thats
all i gotta say i`m goin to bed.later,j
Editor: The most confusing thing about this email is not the lack of
punctuation, grammar, or any discernible sentence structure whatsoever, but
rather who exactly 'cman' and 'j' are. If you have any idea, send an email
to email@example.com . Also, if you have a letter, preferably a complaint,
send it there too.