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December 2000

Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
In this issue: The Seventh Sense! Charlie’s Angels, from a new contributor!    Some obligatory Christmas crap!    PLUS: Eeyore gets educational,   and Ash blathers on about something only tenuously related to entertainment! Yippee!
Unbreakable ****

Seems like the trend in thinking man's horror films is continuing, once again in the hands of auteur-of-the-moment M. Night Shyamalam, who directed last summer's surprise hit The Sixth Sense. His latest film, The Seventh Sense, continues the adventures of undead Bruce Willis, who has returned from the grave in superhero form, his secret identity being Security Guard Man and his superpower being that he's extremely difficult to bruise. Alongside Willis is his trusty sidekick Mr. Glass, played by Samuel L. Jackson, who has the innate ability to destroy his enemies using his ridiculous hair, and Willis' son Billy, whose superpower consists of looking kind of like Haley Joel Osment except with black, soulless eyes. Together they battle the forces of evil, including shoplifting, ticket scalping, and inclement weather, all with a completely humorless gravity straight from a bad episode of Dark Angel. Shyamalanayan has taken his inspiration from the literary medium of comic books, which is sort of like being inspired by the back of a cereal box, but that's fine by me. The only problem is that he treats his material with an ultra-serious reverence that borders on pretension and falls into a well-known trap, which is that making a serious comic book movie is kinda like making a funny Wayans Brothers movie, in that you're intrinsically doomed to failure by the fact that you're stupid enough to think it's a good idea. The parallels to the comic book form found in the movie are endless, from the protagonist's alliterative name to the structure of the narrative to the fact that it's way too damn expensive to be worth my time. However, aside from the fact that the premise of a real-life Superman is shakier than a Montreal hobo seizing off yesterday's Listerine, Shyalayamalanyamala still manages to make an engrossing picture that will keep you interested until the very end, which, a la Sixth Sense, is guaranteed to surprise you, provided of course you're deaf, blind, and were watching a different movie.

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