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December 2000

Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
In this issue: The Seventh Sense! Charlie’s Angels, from a new contributor!    Some obligatory Christmas crap!    PLUS: Eeyore gets educational,   and Ash blathers on about something only tenuously related to entertainment! Yippee!
Charlie's Angels ****

Ahh beautiful Peterborough, spelled wrong on the highway signs, home of domestic disputes, KLB beer and homosexuals (apparently, although I haven't seen that many...they aren't as flaming as I expected). But most importantly, home of Galaxy Cinemas. Remember good old Ottawa theatres, where before the movie there was trivia on-screen? Well...here in Peterborough there are quotes instead... possibly compiled by the stupidest person in the world (not me, for once!). The quotes relate to space, which is understandable, since the theatre is called Galaxy, but the quotes are awful. I will give you the best (worst?) example... "there is a whole lot of space to get lost in" - Lost in Space

Apart from these foolish quotes, apparently chosen by an especially stupid pile of goat feces, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, if by enjoyed you mean lusted after Cameron Diaz. My girlfriend can attest to this, as she had to put up with me drooling and lusting and talking to my poster of Cameron for weeks before the actual movie. She can also attest to what I refer to as the Cameron Diaz Quandary. This quandary begins and ends with myself. If Cameron Diaz is anywhere, (on my screensaver, on my wall, on screen, in my dreams) I cannot pull my weak little mind and eyes away from her. Anyway, the CD quandary came into effect quite severely during the movie because Cameron was constantly dancing and wiggling her ass at the camera, or talking or being present onscreen.

This is where your problem comes in, dear reader, because since I didn't really take in much else, such as the character names, or the plot, you are now essentially out of luck if you were hoping for an accurate review, but this is fine, because PULP's standards were never that high to begin with. Might I also mention that I am the king of run-on sentences.

Anyway, back to Charlie's Angels. There is a mildly twisted plot line that I am too lazy to recall, but the basic gist is that there are 3 chicks hired by to kick some bad-guy ass. There were plenty of explosions and many John Woo / Matrix-esque shots, so it was a pretty cool looking movie. Also, I almost saw Cameron Diaz's real boob! It was all very arousing.

In my opinion, though, there weren't nearly enough zombies, decapitations, dead cats or lesbian scenes. My ideal scene would have been when Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore (oh yeah, she's in the movie too) had just finished sacrificing a cat to the zombie god, then, the creepy guy (he was in the movie too, remember?) ran in and the girls lopped off his head, and finished it all off with some loving, caring and above all sloppy lesbian lovin'.

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