When the Chi-mass spirit is upon me I find myself filled deeply with all of
the warm fuzzies. Yes Chimass. The Greek letter Chi was a symbol for a Roman
invention - the cross. Those crazy Romans really knew how to educate and
condemn people to death at the same time, plus keeping costs down by having
the doomed make and carry his own instrument of death. Over the eons Chi was
replaced by an X, thus Chimass or Xmas are the more correct term for this
holiday event. This way we remember that Easter Bunny is waiting to reward
us with a sweet chocolate egg as an Earthly reward for our crimes against an
omniscient and omnipotent invisible overlord. Ah but I am off on a tangent
from my true goal, even though educating the ignorant masses is a career in
itself.
So, with the Chimass spirit resonating deeply at the third harmonic of my
soul, I seek the solace of the films from the kinder and gentler world of
yesteryear. Yes there was nothing like the sitting down in front of the
cathode ray tube and watching an animatronic Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer
way way back when I was a wee toddler sitting beside the feet of my loving
uncle Bob Cratchet with the ghost of Mr. Scrooge looking through the window.
I think the thing that I must enjoyed while pricking myself with the needle
as I threaded popcorn and cranberries, whistling sacred tunes in my head,
sipping a "hottt choc-a-late", was the hope that the abominable snowman
would finally succeed and make roast beast out of dear Reddo. But for some
reason, every year in true Care Bear syrupy-post-humanistic-love-in-ness the
snowman would put away his crystal fangs and get the warm fuzzies also.
Bah Humbug!
But, just in time for the Chimass holiday, GLADIATOR is now out on video.
Hey, it takes place in a very Holy setting, the birth place of the Vatican,
and it was the Romans that created an extra holiday with just one out of
millions of crucifixions! [I had to look that word up - just goes to show
you that if Cromwell-Doris AntiNight ever gets a majority gov'ment we should
look at bringing back the cross not the noose. More holidays and its
punishment with a capital C.]
I had previously really enjoyed Rus Crowe in the Insider, but I thought his
pent up rage was really wasted and the scenes of him hacking up tobacco
executives that did not make the final cut of the Insider were quickly
spliced together to make all of the combat scenes in GLADIATOR. Forever
holy-Hollywood has long followed the three R's: recycle - Recycle again and
don't forget to reuse and recycle the reused recycling. Hey film costs a lot
of money. I wonder how much that stunt man got paid to be cut in half
[across the torso not a head toe cut like the split dogs in Night of the
Living Dead part three or seventeen]?
But now we live in a more enlightened time and this just rankles my twisted
spirit from brain to butt. How are children going to learn basic self
defense if they do not watch training videos like The Road Warrior? There
will come a day when all our not so Spartan youth can't press the buttons on
the cruise missiles fast enough and then the commie hordes will come roaring
in and steal our toilets. Just try using an outhouse in winter time - think
about it! If that is not a worthy enough cause then I am just thrashing back
and forth punching the air shouting at my shadow and...yeah GLADIATOR was an
okay movie.
The true spirit of Chimass is more entertainment for the masses - Rome is
the mob.
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