September 2001
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September 30/2001 (9:36 PM) ~ posted by JP
Now obviously I would never post in order to send one of Ash's brilliant posts down a notch, no, I'd never do that, not ever.
So why then? To bring you some amazing links to the hottest sites on the internet according to me. First off we've got Stubble, an online comic about a highschool kid with purple hair who gets beat up all the time but manages to score himself a hot girlfriend and loads of cool friends, I wonder why I like it... Let's see, what else... I've just finished reading the full Nukees archive, it's a pretty cool comic about some nuclear engineering grad students, oddly enough this story line also includes the subplot of a huge geek getting the girl despite all odds. I'm begining to see a trend here. In any case here's one last link to Ben Folds' site, I'm going to see him in concert tomorrow night at the Phoenix here in Toronto and it should be a pretty sweet show. That's Ben to the right, he makes good music despite what pretty much everyone I know says. My friend Kelly actually called me while his new single ("Rockin' the Suburbs") was on the radio so she could bitch to me about how much it sucks. Kelly's a dirty slut though so you really shouldn't listen to her opinion. She really is, seriously...
September 30/2001 (11:29 AM) ~ posted by Ash
I think Ellen Degeneres is possibly the craggiest woman alive. It's really quite astounding. That is all.
September 25/2001 (10:41 PM) ~ posted by Sean
 Okay. I know, I know. You've been wanting to hear from me and I haven't been posting. What's more, now that I am finally getting around to a post, I'm only focusing on one link. And it's a link to a site you've been to countless times before.
Well, first of all, fuck off - I can do whatever the hell I want to! So there! Nyah!
Second of all, I'm sorry I swore at you just now. Perhaps a photo of Bin Laden in his pre-fundamentalist days (honest!) will make it up to you.
Third of all, the new issue of the Onion, released today, not only provides a welcome, heartfelt and sensitive satire of the 9/11 events, but it's freakin' hilarious. It just may be the best writing they've ever posted. Gems abound. I found myself laughing uncontrollably at one of the editorials, my giggles and guffaws growing only louder as I progressed down the page.
Not convinced? Here are some of the bits that had me snorting milk through my nose:
US Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We're At War With: ... "The United States is preparing to strike, directly and decisively, against you, whoever you are, just as soon as we have a rough idea of your identity and a reasonably decent estimate as to where your base is located." Added Bush: "That is, assuming you have a base." ...
Hijacker's Surprised To Find Themselves In Hell: ... "Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?" ... The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face. ...
Point-Counterpoint: American's Response: ... On Sept. 11, 2001, America was hit by an unprecedented attack on its shores. The devastation and loss of life is incalculable. It is clear to me, as it should be to all Americans, what our nation must do: Retaliate with blind, violent rage. ...
On TV Tonight: MTV: (10:30) Carson Daly In Way Over His Head. Animal Planet: (10:00) Fuck Everything, Here's Some Zebra Footage
What Now? "Islamic law states, 'An eye for an eye.' By that logic, we should destroy one of Osama bin Laden's skyscrapers. Problem is, he doesn't have any, because he lives in fucking underground caves."
God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule: [M]any of the worst violators claim that their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur'an. "To be honest, there's some contradictory stuff in there, okay?" God said. "So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit it—My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it's God's will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall."
(Oh, and when you're done, download the new Lord of the Rings trailer.)
September 22/2001 (10:09 PM) ~ posted by Ash
It's amazing how much of a headache spending four hours watching old superhero cartoons will give you. I don't think it's the Spiderman episodes so much as the bafflingly incongruous Fantastic Four shows, which for some reason only had the Fantastic Three plus a weird robot named Herbie. In other news, as some of you may have noticed, PULP has undergone a slight rescheduling. As of September, all new issues will be released at the end of the month, as opposed to sometime near the beginning. Thus, expect the September issue to be out on the 29th, full of back to school goodness.
September 21/2001 (12:05 AM) ~ posted by JP
 Ok, I've got a few links and some info for ya, woop-dee-do.
I don't have a TV in my new apartment which is a fairly good thing because a) I think I've seen much of what TV has to offer and b) today I found some good TV-like content on the web. The first thing I found was that The Critic has been transformed into a series of original shockwave shorts, complete with Jon Lovitz as Jay Sherman! While over at shockwave.com I also discovered Radiskull & Devildoll which is a series of animated shorts that are part drama, part music video, really nice animation here too. In the past couple of days I've also discovered two webcomics that'll make it into the list of those I check each and every day. The first is the brilliantly illustrated Mac Hall, if you're into video games and the follies of university life check it out. Sean recommended Pentasmal to me as being his "favourite webcomic" and it's chock-a-block with wit, well worth checking out. Speaking of webcomics Mike Corr of Grumpy Monk Productions and I *may* be starting a webcomic of our own to appear here on Tangmonkey. If things go according to plan Mike will be illustrating my scripts so if it's not funny you know who to blame. You can check out some of Mike's work at the link above.
September 20/2001 (11:19 AM) ~ posted by Ash
When did Meg from Family Guy become That 70s Show's Jackie? And why? First New York, and now this...God hates us all.
September 16/2001 (3:48 PM) ~ posted by Zebulon
Well, I'm back.
In retrospect, I probably should have mentioned that I was taking a sabbatical. Not that anyone took the time to inquire about my unexplained absence. I could have been dead, for all you knew. Harumph.
Anyway, after a few days of soul searching, I have decided to go ahead with the humor column I originally had planned, rather than a somber piece. I feel that humor would do everyone better right now.
Therefore, the new View Askew can be found here.
September 15/2001 (3:11 PM) ~ posted by Ash
If you go to the Tangmonkey Dance page, put the music on loop, and squint your eyes like you're looking at one of those Magic Eye 3D things, I'm pretty sure you can see God. That is all.
September 12/2001 (5:26 PM) ~ posted by Ash
Sean, you've had your day of grief. Someone has to say this, and it might as well be me, but it's time to end this terror campaign. As noble as it is to condemn the 'eye for an eye' mentality, yesterday's events have made that condemnation an anachronism. Something has to be done about this. It cannot be allowed to happen again. Rehabilitation won't help, and neither will quoting Ghandi, Sean. The shortest distance between these two points is the obliteration of the groups responsible and the governments who support and harbour them. It may make us priviledged philosophers cringe with righteous indignation at the barbarity of the solution, but unfortunatly, the world doesn't work in black and white, and this situation completely transcends all previous arguments. This is war.
September 11/2001 (8:04 PM) ~ posted by Zebulon
It's been twelve hours and I'm still shaking.
All I see is the airliner plowing into the building, those two massive burning towers, full of God only knows how many people, toppling over onto the buildings, the wounded and the rescue workers below. The news channels are full of images that look like they came straight from the movie "Independence Day."
I cannot help but imagine what those last few moments must have been like on those airliners, as those passengers saw their doom racing toward them. The people in those burning buildings, waiting for help that would never come, leaping from a hundred stories up to escape the flames. And then I feel like I'm about to start crying all over again.
I can't offer anything insightful and thoughtful like Sean has, But I do ask you to watch the film of the airliner smashing into the second tower as it's played for the hundredth time, and just take a moment to realize what you're seeing. Save a prayer for all those involved.
I don't know what I'll do tonight, for this is something you wake up from, not go to sleep to.
September 11/2001 (7:16 PM) ~ posted by Sean
 Today's events have been both astonishing and intensely, profoundly saddening. I extend my deepest, sincerest sympathies to all those who have experienced loss today, and to those who have been - and continue to be - shaken by fear and uncertainty. The Tangmonkey Group's hearts go out to you.
Whomever is responsible for this has committed an act of intense, unforgivable violence. Regardless of precedents, cause or motivation, such willful, planned, fastidious malice sickens me. The only thing that rivals the hostility I feel towards the faceless perpetrators is the anger I aim at those who are pointing fingers, inciting yet further hatred, or dancing in the streets. I had a classmate comment to me that "We should have seen it coming, the way the Arabs have been behaving." She went on to comment on how "there weren't any Arab [students]" watching the news reports on Campus. She looked at my with her bigoted eyes, pursed her lips into a sneer, and, in one fell swoop, accused millions of decent, caring people of a crime they played no part in. Meanwhile, online, I hear the rhetoric of rabid fanatics: jingoistic Americans, Canadians and Brits, each screaming for the "utter annhiliation" of whichever group is "responsible for this". To what end? So that humanity may be brought even lower, become even further deafened by that red roar of hatred?
"An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind." - Gandhi
On this day, let us grieve - grieve, and not hate.
September 10/2001 (11:02 AM) ~ posted by JP
Hey everyone, there's a new Evil Love Comic out today, you should check it out, pretty schweet. I know we haven't been updating a whole lot lately but we've all just moved and I guess it's taking some time to get our collective asses settled back into the swing of things. I can't speak for the others but it'll only be a few more days before I can start devoting some serious time to the site. In the meantime, check out this site, it seems kinda neat.
September 7/2001 (8:32 PM) ~ posted by JP
Wow, it's been a while since someone posted so I figured I should fill the space with my silly littly ramblings. My computer died, or rather it's hard-drive, after days of trying to fix it I finally let go and formatted, no doubt I'll be remembering files and information I've lost by doing so over the course of the next year. Oh well, it's nice to get a fresh start, just as it's nice to have my entire existence stuck in this tiny room rather than spread thin through my parents' house. I've got to appologize for not having a column up for the past several weeks, I've been lazy and buzy and loads of other things that end in "Y", soon I'll get my act together and write something, probably by next wednesday. Also, we're still working on coverting the site to the new look, Columns is done and so is the forum so check 'em out and let me know if anything's amiss.
Backup your hard-drive and then go Sing in the Rain.
September 3/2001 (5:23 PM) ~ posted by Neale
I have some very edutaining news for you all. Myself, Mac (VP in charge of swarms), and a small group of other people who either dislike Tangmonkey or work for rival sites and thus shall go un-named, have recently been selected to appear on The Learning Channel television program Robotica. What does this mean exactly? Well, it means we've been chosen ahead of literally thousands of other applicants to build a robot and then compete with that robot against other teams from all over North-America (except for Mexico, which is hardly significant).
We've recently started building our frame, and things are progressing very well. Come October 20th we'll be flying away to Hollywood for the taping, where we'll be competing against mostly 30-something professional engineers. If all goes as planned, our robot will be proudly bearing the Tangmonkey.com logo on international TV, and the resulting deluge of hits will no doubt bankrupt us all.
We are featured in today's Ottawa Citizen (Monday, September 3rd) in the 'Tech Weekly' section. Look for our photo on the bottom of the 'Tech Weekly's' front page, and the article on page 3. If that article is posted on the web I'll post a link here as soon as we can. As well, within the next few weeks I'm going to try posting a page up here on Tangmonkey with much more information about the project.
Lastly, if anyone out there in our readership is excessively rich, and wishes to sponsor our team, you will be my new best friend.
September 2/2001 (8:16 PM) ~ posted by JP
Wow, so much has changed in the past few days.
Yesterday my parents and I loaded up the Uhaul and headed for Toronto and while they had the pleasure of staying at my unle and aunt's house I got to go party up at York with my friends from last year! It was an amazing evening and although I may not remember it all I'm sure I made a lasting impression. This morning my parents picked me up at York and drove me downtown to my new home, Neil-Wycik Co-op. The res is in a horrible neighbourhood but I don't mind, the people seem cool. Toronto is amazing, I love it alread, ok, there's rampant homelessness (so many homeless!!) and it doesn't always smell fantastic but it's very much an on-demand kind of place (like any big city) and I have no patience so it's a perfect match! Incedentally I've moved to Toronto in order to start my new carreer in Restaurant Management, step one, a high-grade education from George Brown College. Woo!
What else? I just got an unexpected email from my friend Tom in Oxford, England who said he read my column on Gamestem and would I like a backup of the site? Yes, yes I would. So he's gonna send me a CD and maybe I'll put it online here or maybe it'll be the seed of a new gaming section or maybe I'll just keep it to myself, we'll see. Tom started a company! Check it out, keepitupdated.com.
Hoopla!
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