Tangmonkey Forum

Submit to pulp






Letters to the Editor: Airduct: Letter #4



From: "AIRDUCT H. Q."
To: pulp@stupid.com
Subject: The Apocalypse is upon thee...
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 21:57:21 -0000

Ash-

...Thus begins the descent into a vicious battle to the death, a mammoth electronic war pinning good against evil, the literate versus the half-baked forces of Ash, and characterized by savage personal attacks and more than a little depraved hoodoo...

As a matter of interest, just because some of our contributors are fixated with Collective Soul, neo-hippy bleeding heart liberalism and run-on sentences, it doesn't mean that we're all a bunch of loser freaks grappling with a social conscience and trying to define ourselves vicariously through the hero-worship of mediocre so-called bands. In fact, I happen to disagree with the majority of the swill we publish, but my alternative is to become a twisted basement-dwelling crackpot who writes the entire paper alone, and I know that you wouldn't want AIRDUCT to resemble PULP with such blatant imitation...

By the way, thanks for the free publicity around Glebe. Those posters have done more to spark controversy about our own paper than that highly surreal publicity stunt the Rabid Lemur pulled in a fit of delirium... It seems that your ingenious, devious plot to undermine us has backfired in a horribly gory burst of fire and carnage. My heartfelt thanks. Next stop: toilet graffiti!

-AIRDUCT EDITATION


To: "AIRDUCT H. Q."
From: pulp@stupid.com
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 21:14:52
Subject: RE: The Apocalypse is upon thee...

AIRDUCT -

I'm glad to see that the posters appeared and have made an impression. Although I have done my best to sever all ties with my former life as a Glebite, I still maintain some contacts in the general population eager to do my bidding. But as far a sparking controversy....honestly, what could be less controversial that your liberal-mided tripe? I could spend my time parroting semi-literate anti-corporate pinko hippie crap all day too, but I like to think I'm capable of the odd original thought now and again.

By the by, the opinions of your contributors DO reflect directly upon you. What's the point of running a publication if you can't impose Gestapo-esque levels of censorship over content? Freedom of speech needs to be earned, and you don't get it by mentioning the words 'Collective Soul' and 'band' in the same sentence. And that devotion to quality, my fine feathered friend, is exactly why PULP has so few other contributors. Or at least that's what I tell my Mom.

And in regards to your remarks concerning my living arangements, I'll have you know that while I may be twisted and a crackpot, I certainly do not live in a basement. Granted my appartment is small, dank and underground, but it said very clearly in the lease that it was a SUB-basement, thank you very much, so nuts to you and the communist horse you rode in on, hippie. Go listen to some some pseudo-religious pop-rock and leave me alone.

Ash

Previous Letter Next Letter




Disclaimer | Email Us | Dance!
Text, images, design, and our groovy mojo are ©
return to the top of the page