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Early November 1999

In this issue:    PULP’s First Book Review! Yes, we can read!    Plus: Ash takes the House on Haunted Hill Challenge!!    Buffy’s NEW regular column!?    Reviews Of The Latest Album Releases!.
Here it is, PULP’s first book review!

Blah, Blah by Jebediah Purdy

A Jebediah Purdy by any other name would not be taken seriously.

America [and Canada too] wake up! The roof is falling and the sky is soon to follow. The walls of our solid nation are under assault from a threat equal to the evil of the Third Reich. Cover your children’s ears and eyes, hug them dearly and mutter reassurances of cookies, warm milk, and apple pie. Then, just as the shadow of destruction moves over your loved ones, the phoenix of family values rises from the ashes of the fires of filth and decay. .Jebediah Purdy, St. Sin-seer, has written a book with the title, “BLAH BLAH” , that could save the fall of the Western world. In the saint’s monologue, he demonstrates the corruption of the Western tradition. The television show Seinfeld is logically demonstrated to be a negative influence on the youth of America, because it encourages loserdom and the cult of the put-down artist. The saint has carefully examined the philosophical axioms of the American public and discovered a swamp of contradiction and complete lack of conservative values.

The saint writes like a dziggetai. His words grow upon you like an epixylous but they completely lack a solenoglyphic quality. It is a great work of art that will transcend this century.

The saint is the shining example of all that was once good about the US of A. Young, athletic, smart and very serious.

In one bold sweep of his pen, the saint has proven that the rebelliousness of the teenage population is due to television programs that employ heavy satire.

The saint writes cogently and earnest zeal.

In our modern world there is the threat of AIDs, nuclear war, abuse, famine, personal assault, child poverty, and depression, but the true enemy to Western society is darker and far more evil. Children are using this instrument of evil, without any knowledge of the peril that they are placing themselves in. When the tool of the darkness is leveled many youth sink into a den of despair that almost kills. Once a child has tasted this twisted device, he is forever altered and beyond saving. He will be unable to sit earnestly in a lecture hall and absorb the wisdom of his teachers. He will abandon his family and walk a lonely path along the abyss of wanton desire. It is this godless tool that will destroy the world as we know it.

The tool of the anti-Purdy is irony.

I recommend this book for all that grow weary of synaptic function and seek the simplicity of the golden age.


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