Early November 1999

Well, kids, due to popular demand, it’s time for PULP to foray into the wonderful world of pop music. Now, while I try to maintain the illusion that our readership is composed mostly of the high-brow intellectual elite of our community, the kind of people who appreciate the musical genius of Mozart, Vivaldi, and The Misfits, I recently reviewed the past 28 issues of PULP and discovered that the word ‘nekkid’ was used exactly 43 times. Per issue. So due to the fact that we’ve managed to get away with it so far, I now realize that perhaps we do not appeal to the kind of readers I had originally anticipated. This is entirely our fault. However, it is you people and others like you who are responsible for the fact that the new Backstreet Boys album has been on the charts for the past decade. So here, for your reading pleasure, is an eclectic mix of some of the new releases to hit the stores in the past two weeks: Rage Against The Machine: The Battle of Los Angeles   While Rage Against the Machine do have some things going for them, namely lots and lots of rage, it must be remembered that they pioneered the whole hip-hop/metal sub-genre, which produced such godless abominations as Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock, and as such are cursed to rot in hellfire eternal. Counting Crows: This Desert Life Whiny hippie band Counting Crows seems to have forgotten to turn their guitars on. But they sure remembered to suck. Foo Fighters: There is Nothing Left To Lose Kurt Cobain must be rolling over is his grave. Former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl has replaced punkish angst with pop-star sentiment and I will have absolutely nothing to do with this evil thing. Kim Mitchell: Kimosabe I defy anyone to actually remember the name of a Kim Mitchell song. Choclair: Ice-Cold Somehow, I’m not too impressed by a guy who names himself after a French pastry. But that’s just me. Danzig: 6:66 Satans Child Aside from the fact that the title of the album is spelled wrong, this could be the most intelligent outing from former Misfits rocker Glenn Danzig. Exploring such high-concept ideas as the dehumanization and eradication of emotions, the loss of hope in a hopeless world, and strangling a chick because she’s not pretty enough, Satans Child makes a perfect gift just in time for the holidays. Our Lady Peace: Happiness Is Not A Fish You Can Catch That has got to be the stupidest title I have ever seen. And keep in mind that I have two copies of Satans Child. Jewel: Joy Holiday Collection I’m not even going to dignify this with a smarmy write-up.