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Halloween 1999

In this issue:    Bats   Blair Witch   Costume Tips   The Best and Worst of Horror   Hollywood's History of Horror   and   What is Halloween?
 
A Look at the Best - And Worst - Films of the Horror Genre
Ash

 
The much maligned horror genre has been the butt of Hollywood’s jokes for decades now, regarded by most as the last refuge of has-been stars and the testing ground for naked breasts of all sizes. It’s all too familiar to see an art-film connoisseur turn up his nose and sniff disdainfully at genre films, since his sense of smell has mostly likely been completely eroded by the stench of his own bulls#$@, but even today the average layman holds the horror genre in relatively low regard. Then again, the average layman actually paid to see Armageddon, so they’re not to be trusted.
 
In my humble opinion, horror movies are among the most difficult films for a director to do well, and they deserve way more respect than they’re given. Think of it this way: in any given horror flick, not only do you need an interesting plotline, a good script, and strong characters who develop and grow, intriguing the audience and forcing them to empathize with the actors, but you also have to actually make it frightening, no mean feat in this modern age of scare-savvy audiences. Throw in the added technical aspects of special effects and make-up, and you’ve got yourself a challenging movie to make.
 
Another great thing about horror flicks is that they provide an excellent opportunity for filmmakers to probe the depths of the human psyche, using strange imagery and elaborate metaphors to confront audiences with their deepest fears and concerns. Granted, it’s a rather direct way to get a reaction from an audience, but if it’s done well, you end up with a product that forces the viewer to look deep into himself and discover his own true self, like Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town. And because you’re just dying to know, here are my favorite horror flicks, as well as my pick for the worst horror movie ever made:
 
The Evil Dead Trilogy
Comprised of Evil Dead, Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn, and Army of Darkness. If you haven’t seen these then you don’t deserve to be reading this.
 
Zombie
Not only does it have a dramatic and moving scene in which a zombie professes its love for a woman by gouging out her eyeball while trying to eat her brain, it also contains an action-packed underwater battle betwixt a zombie and a shark. What more could you ask for?
 
Halloween
Sure it’s dated, but so’s Shakespeare, and this has more breasts.
 
Salem’s Lot
Vampires that are actually cool-lookin’ and scary, unlike say Brad Pitt with long flowing hair and a frilly collar. It’s not my blood I’m scared he’ll try to suck.
 
Scream
Hipper than a rave full of Capri pants.
 
Dead-Alive
The bloodiest movie in the world. This is the film that inspired me to coin the word ‘goregasm’. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
 
And the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen? Glad you asked. It is, of course
 
I Still Know What You Did Last-ah I’m bored already
Jennifer Love Hewitt and her two best friends managed to keep the first one interesting, but they just can’t save this sequel from a truly idiotic script and Brandy’s gigantic mutant ass.

 




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