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 50% Pure Monkey              
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November 2000
 BRAND SPANKIN' NEW ISSUE OF PULP!November 30/2000 (1:10 AM) ~ posted by news Its just like Christmas for little Tangmonkey boys and girls, except a month(ish) early, nothing is gift wrapped and there aren't any carollers. But all the good Tangmonkey children when they wake up will find to their delight a brand new RANT section that is completely automated. What fun! This means that when the good little children post an angry RANT to Tangmonkey that it will show up right away, instead of never. Now where are Santa's cookies and milk? November 25/2000 (9:51 PM) ~ posted by JP Hey kids, for all those of you out there who have been messing around with Sodaplay for the last few days since I first recommended it, I've got a challenge for you! Here's a model I made, if any of you can create a better model email me a link to it and I'll post it here, you'll also get a personal email from me, JP, and we all know how special that is. November 22/2000 (8:48 PM) ~ posted by Gareth For some strange reason, this Friday November 24th is the busiest US shopping day of the year. I mean, I don't know, perhaps it's because this is around the time that some happy fellows begin counting down the number of "shopping days to [insert religious holiday here]." It is the time when people begin searching for that perfect gift, that CD that their boyfriend or girlfriend have wanted since it came out, that t-shirt, that pair or pants or other trendy item, tickets to a basketball game or 500 hours of free internet, so that they can give it to them right before eating a bigass turkey (or respective traditional delicacy). It is for this reason that Adbusters has chosen this day to be Buy Nothing Day. This Friday stick it to the man and refrain from succumbing to the evil that is consumerism. Show those money grubbing bastards that you can go a day without buying anything. Because capitalism bites the wang. November 22/2000 (12:28 AM) ~ posted by JP Today I finished formatting a new issue of pulp and it should be online in about a week because Dave's in the process of switching the whole site over to php and that takes time. For the time being check out Sodaplay, it's this online building/animation toy that's really amazing so you'll just have to see it for yourself, trust me, it's worth the 30 seconds. November 20/2000 (11:34 PM) ~ posted by Sean Hi again. As it seems the tendency has been for daily updates, I will continue on the theme. It seems our tangmonkey picture has been pulled from Am I Hot Or Not. They do not explain exactly why, but cite four possible reasons. The most likely one is cited below: 4. Poor picture quality. Your photo is fuzzy or hard to see. The pixels, once again, prove to be a reason to criticize tangmonkey.com. JP would be proud. Anyway, AIHorN says that you can try submitting another photo... Anyone got one for us to use? Something silly, maybe... something tangmonkey-ish... or maybe you're a demure viewer who wants to know if they're attractive or not. Send pictures here, and the TM Group will concern itself with putting the image online, and tracking its status right here! We will make you famous! Speaking of famous people, it seems Miramax is going to rerelease (in an astonishing newly cleaned up version!) a Hard Day's Night. Check out the neato trailer. November 20/2000 (12:29 AM) ~ posted by Sean I ask you all to please tell us whether we are hot or not. This is very important for our collective self esteem. Ulmo has wagered $10 that we are hot. I, myself, am not particularly confident. Babes tend to be turned off by pixels. Oh, and even if you don't care about James "What the Heck is JP going on about" Gleick, you should check out Douglas Coupland's website, because he is a tremendously talented author. Also, fans of the tremendous exploding dog should maybe look at the morning news. It's not sam brown, but he does contribute at times. interesting mix of fun & news. finally, if you want to know what music to buy, look at my List of Goodies. ignore the bravado and poetics. November 19/2000 (11:49 PM) ~ posted by JP Hello happy people. Yesterday I was in town and had some time to kill so I stopped in to a book store to browse around a bit. I picked up a book called Faster by James Gleick (after being overcome with guilt at the fact that I haven't read a book for pleasure in many months). It's about "hurry sickness" which is an affliction of most inhabitants of the western world consisting of acute impatience. e.g. madly pushing the "door close" button in an elevator, entering 88 seconds into a microwave instead of 90 because it's faster to press the same button twice, etc... - James Gleick's website, some very interesting links here, have a look. - Douglas Coupland's site have a look at the "close personal friend" piece, it touches on some of the same points as Gleick's book but in video form. Oh yeah, you know most elevator's "door close" button is disabled because the operator fears lawsuits, nice placebo though. November 18/2000 (4:36 PM) ~ posted by Mike Because it needs to be said... ... UNTIE! November 17/2000 (4:41 PM) ~ posted by Sean I'd just like to mention that the Mac who, below, ordered people to vote, isn't a complete and utter moron. He is -not- stupid beyond belief, to the point of absurdity. He is not the greatest of all idiots, ever. He's not. He know perfectly well that the American election happened some time ago (although it has not yet been resolved - for details on the War down South, look at the Mayhem 2000 coverage at the Onion). He was referring to the Canadian election, which has not happened yet. He's not stupid. Ok? In other news, the RANT engine (no, it was -not- a pipe dream!) is almost complete, and twenty-or-thirty new rants will appear in that section by the end of the month, or the first week in December. Submitted rants will, at that time, go online almost immediately after being written/posted, rather than sitting in our mailbox limbo. Also, PULP is coming! New issues are on their way, as the evil creator, Ash, gets back in the cat-skinning spirit of things! Hold on to your goat ligaments... November 16/2000 (6:30 PM) ~ posted by Mac Well kids it's Election time again. You know what that means. It's time for all you guys and gals to get out and vote. NO EXCUSES!!! It is important for everyone to cast an informed ballet. Don't be influenced to vote for the most popular candidate in your riding, vote for whom would best represent you. It doesn't matter that they don't have a chance in hell of winning, because the only way you throw away your ballot is by not voting at all. November 10/2000 (7:13 PM) ~ posted by Mike For those of you who appreciate off the wall humour, check out redmeat. This comic strip rocks. November 9/2000 (1:12 PM) ~ posted by Mike This just in! Mike has started to wear The Tuque again. And in other news, you know you have a drinking problem if you lose arguments with inanimate objects. Not that I would know from experience or anything... November 8/2000 (3:51 PM) ~ posted by Sean It has come to my attention that some of you continue to struggle in terms of the proper usage of some of the terms in the Saurus. I am here to do my part and increase comprehension. Every so often, I will put a new example in the news, that makes use of a Saurus term, putting in context for the Here and Now. JP is an idiot! ha ha ha! he's dumb! ha! The first entry, then is today. If you spot this, email ulmo@tangmonkey.com! To read the example, highlight the text below (it has been made the same colour as the page, to reduce spoilers!) The American electoral system is on smooch. November 7/2000 (12:55 AM) ~ posted by JP Check out Presstube, it's cool. November 3/2000 (2:37 PM) ~ posted by JP
November 1/2000 (8:24 PM) ~ posted by JP Today is a sad day indeed. Ben Folds Five, featuring their own brand of mad piano, bass and drums, has split up. If any of you haven't heard of them I'd encourage you to give 'em a listen. In other news, Tangmonkey.com is proud to announce the addition of a new staff member! We are proud to welcome Kelly Hobelman who is the first female addition to the staff. Kelly will adopt the title of "Girl" and her duties will include being a girl and looking like a girl. Tangmonkey hopes to continue it's commitment to being an equal opportunity employer and is currently seeking to fill the positions of "Person Covered In Tattoos" and "Person Who Can Do That Curly Thing With Their Tongue". Those interested in applying for these exciting new positions should email Ulmo with pictures and resumes. |
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