Wow. You actually got your act together and got PULP out before everyone forgot what it was. Impressive.

Strangely enough, I didn't find your latest offering very offensive; I hope you're not losing your edge... It's a sad day in our little electronic fued when I actually agree with a lot of your rants... for instance, that column about music videos... in fact, I seem to remember having written something vaguely similar six weeks ago... hmmm... I hope the term 'hackneyed' hasn't made a boomerang-style 180 and flown back from whence it came, clubbing the unfortunate Ash like a baby seal... Granted, you managed to work the Apocalypse, genocide and epilepsy into your article... a well-crafted gripe-fest with trademark Ash wit and more traces of psychological imbalances than I care to consider right now. Well done, but just don't complain about rip-offs...

Eeyore should seek professional help... Batturtle is palatable, although I'd be a little concerned about introducing negative stars... a basic understanding of the mysterious underworld of mathematics suggests that negative numbers continue infinitely... the dangers of starting a trend wherein a movie can be worse than a telemarketing leper listening to pop muzak could have all sorts of ramifications... soon, movies will be earning ratings so low that it will take nothing less than a midget down a mining shaft to even read them...

Frankly, I was a little disappointed with your feeble attempts to undermine AIRDUCT. Either commit yourself to a full-scale vicious attack on our swill, or shut up... but don't just recycle something you typed for your orange simian contacts for the sake of filling up the rest of a page...

Anyway, more will follow when I retreat into one of my anti-social moods when my best friend is the impersonal glow of my handy computer... Congrats on the latest issue. Very entertaining (as far as hazardous by-products of a quasi-literate miscreant go). Until the next time I go insane and find myself, in pity, writing an email in response to the pathetic request for feedback...

-AIRDUCT

To: "AIRDUCT H. Q."
From: pulp@stupid.com
Date: Wed, 07 Feb 2001 19:23:45
Subject: RE: feedback for a pitiful freak...

In order to rip you off, I would have to actually waste valuable bitching time reading your worthless waste of paper. Need I remind you that Glebe was once a one-paper burg, totally devoid of any wit, smarm, or actual writing talent until a certain tall, dark, and handsome stranger rode into town with an idea, a computer, and a whole lot of attitude? After I slit his throat and fed him to the pigs, I took his idea and his computer, and therefore paved the way for you and your cronies to sully my good name.

Eeyore is seeking help, and yes Batturtle was very palatable, thank you very much. Just needed some salt and a few fava beans on the side.

As for launching a full scale attack, don't get too comfy, missy, because there's a world of hate coming your way once I finish watching 'The Amazing Dr. Satan and his Circus of Death'. Don't say I didn't warn you. And by the way, I'm not quasi-literate. I'm fully capable of reading both comic books and certain sub-titled films, so long as they don't have any dialogue. I belive that qualifies me as semi-literate.

Perhaps I shall grace you with another missive soon, as I have much to tell you off about, but a certain harpie is currently demanding the use of the computer to check the latest Roswell news. Maybe you'll meet her in a chat-room somewhere.

Ash