Tangmonkey Forum

Submit to pulp







May 2001

Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
In this issue:    Suicide Sandler!     Coping With Satanism!     Doin' it Crankenstyle!     PLUS: Hippie Holocaust!, And a castration-free CULT PICK!.
 
 
Poser or Memorex...
The Eeyore

 
Has scoffs shafts
return sedge drogue.
Have scoffs
shafts return sedge drogue.

Now I know you are excited about this fine piece of electronic dross. The above is a rare taste of the future. Poetry...rarefied and obfuscatory - it speaks to the soul. A direct conduit to my feelings which happen outside of space-time. Raw.

You still don't know what I am referring to do you? The above piece of literature was generated using the latest in AI techniques. But these methods are easily available for anyone to grab by the horns if he knows how to use a spell and grammar checker. Here is a simple recipe to become a post-modern deconstructionist from the hermeneutical perspective. Type any olde crapola into the 'puter and then do a spell check and take whatever the hell the machine tells you to do, because technology is never wrong - especially computer high-tech. The final result may seem a tad odd, maybe even alien, but don't let that alarm you. The Japanese have been doing this for eons or whenever computers became smaller than a garage but more powerful than a lame nematode [a stupid worm for this generation of illiterates - no offence implied, just openly stated].

What do the Japanese do? They make movies which make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Maybe you want to argue the point and tell me that I just don't understand their culture. No, the Japanese are one of the smartest societies since the second world war, they might seem to be sinking into economic ruin at the moment, but all of that financial crisis stuff and unemployment is just a thin smoke screen. Underneath all of it is corporate plot to take over the world without the use of kinetic weaponry.

The Plan

The Japanese are creating movies in a manner similar to how I created the sonnet that I started this Pulitzer-quality journalistic essay...machines. But in this case the ghost in the machine is a corporation with billions of polymer extruded action figures to push into the hands of American youth. The plan is to save all kinds of money by not having to hire writers and the most costly of all - movable talking props. By using animation your production costs almost fall to zero [as long as facial expressions, live action motion, and lip synch do not matter a whole lot.] For some reason the above recipe attracts little kids to it like deer to a 120 kilometre-an-hour-in-progress headlight.

I discovered all of these startling facts as I lay paralyzed watching the Digimon movie. Fortunately, I experienced arrhythmia and fell into a blissful coma-sleep for the majority of the film. What evil lies ahead in the most important bizness in the world - entertainment? More and more stuff...

Tolsd bey anq idioodt, fulsl ovf sounnzd ande furyah, Signiffyyuing nothing.

Told bye an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothuinug.

Does anyone have a Pikachu #202 for sale? I almost have the complete set.





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