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Like theonion.com, Only Not as Funny!
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John Updike
7.16.2003 by , every Wednesday.
Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.
John Updike: American novelist, short story writer and poet, internationally known for his novels Rabbit, Run (1960), Rabbit Redux (1971), Rabbit Is Rich (1981), and Rabbit At Rest (1990).
DAY 1
Nathan: We should call Chuck!
Me: Yeah, we should call Chuck.
Nathan: He's such a great guy.
Me: Chuck is a great guy.
(you can hear the flag being raised)
Nathan: I don't think there's anyone who doesn't like Chuck.
Me: It's true. Nobody dislikes Chuck.
Nathan: How can you?
Me: You can't.
Nathan: So call him.
Me: You call him, it was your idea.
(the toilet flushes, but there was no one in the bathroom)
Nathan: You call him, you're better on the phone.
Me: What does that mean?
Nathan: I hate the phone!
Me: Oh, and I love it?
Nathan: Just call him.
Me: You call him, it was your idea.
Nathan: If you don't call him, nobody's going to call him, and we're just going to sit here.
Me: Fine.
Nathan: Yeah.
(they sat there for the rest of time)
Exeunt.
DAY 2
Me: We should call Chuck!
Nathan: This book is like a perfect collection of snacks.
Me: We should totally call him!
Nathan: Such a lovely grouping of words. The worst part about being John Updike would be not having any John Updike to read.
Me: I thought it was dumb.
Nathan: Of course you did, sweetie. It's also a book that would be impossible to take out of its bookness, it exists only on paper.
Me: Kind of like you.
Nathan: Go to hell.
(an old man with an umbrella walks by, down in the street. He was trying to think of how to say "I want a divorce" in the nicest way possible)
as always, you can e-mail Nathan, to talk about whatever.
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