More Important to Life on Earth Than the Sun Itself
About the Co-Authors

Column Archive










The Ice Storm
6.4.2003 by Dan Beirne, every Wednesday.


Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.


Wednesday, June Whatevereth, a beautiful sunny day

The Ice Storm (1997): Middle-class people experiment with casual sex, drinking, and drugs, and find their lives out of control. Starring Kevin Kline, Joan Allen, Christina Ricci, and Elijah Wood. Directed by Ang Lee.

(it was such a beautiful day, Nathan and I decided to wait outside. We sat with the TV/VCR on the lawn, and two lawn chairs, cables running into the house)

Nathan: Why did I think Adam Goldberg was in this movie?

Me: Oh I get it, he's out of focus.

Nathan: I love the colours. So much blue and dark.

Me: It's hard to see with the glare.

Nathan: You wanted to sit out here

(someone begins mowing their lawn down the street)

Me: I didn't hear you objecting.

Nathan: This is you: "Oo, Oo, we should sooo go outside today!"

Me: This is you: insensitive.

Nathan: Good one.

Me: Shut up.

Nathan: I get the same feeling from this movie that I get wandering the streets at night.

(the lawn-mowing stops, but the lawn trimming begins)

Me: God, those things are worse than helicopters!

Nathan: And I find the acting is like being locked in a closet. This movie's a contradiction.

Me: You're a contradiction.

Nathan: Dan, what are you getting so upset for?

(an old man comes up the driveway)

Old Man: Hello, fellas, your parents home?

Nathan: You work yourself up into these furies and then no one can break in and you fall apart inside!

Old Man: ....

Me: FUCK YOU!!

(I ran away, but forgot I was carrying the tape recorder, so my tape has a lot of footsteps and gravel noises and swearing. Luckily, Nathan had a tape recorder. He carries it around to use on Cynthia in court)

Nathan: For a heavy person, he sure has some speed.

Old Man: Is he all right?

Nathan: We won't be buying anything today, sir, but thank you so much.

Old Man: Is this The Ice Storm?

Nathan: Sigh.

Old Man: I love his use of symbolic composition.

(the lawn-trimmer gets so loud it's hard to hear what they're saying, I'll do my best)

Nathan: Do you want to drink her?

Old Man: Car seat ticker-tape, okay?

Nathan: No, not as much as anything.

Old Man: Wind we wind, and don't tell me first.

Nathan: Just red me back whirly, and dinosaur--

(it stops)

Nathan: --what you can't prove.

Old Man: Well, fuck you!

(when leaving, the Old Man passes a police officer on the lane)

Police Officer: Are you Nathan Lane?

Nathan: Uh--

[end transcription]

as always, you can e-mail Nathan to talk about movies or just chat about whatever.

Notes:

The Police Officer had a thick French accent, and the Old Man was black.



Take a minute to fill out this nice form and give the nice columnist some nice feedback. Our columnists are volunteers, they do this for you, let 'em know you care.
Your message of love:

Your email address (optional):



Disclaimer | Email Us | Dance!
Text, images, design, and our groovy mojo are ©.
return to the top of the page





Warning: require(): http:// wrapper is disabled in the server configuration by allow_url_include=0 in /home/public/columns/includes/footer.php on line 3

Warning: require(http://www.tangmonkey.com/includes/ads.php): Failed to open stream: no suitable wrapper could be found in /home/public/columns/includes/footer.php on line 3

Fatal error: Uncaught Error: Failed opening required 'http://www.tangmonkey.com/includes/ads.php' (include_path='.:/usr/local/php/8.1.30-nfsn1/lib/:/usr/local/php/lib/') in /home/public/columns/includes/footer.php:3 Stack trace: #0 /home/public/columns/105470317955924.php(82): require() #1 {main} thrown in /home/public/columns/includes/footer.php on line 3