We Were the Future
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Abbreviated Thoughts
10.9.2001 by Zebulon


Recently, I was in a chat room, killing some time before “Sailor Moon” came on, when I made a startling discovery: Pretending that you’re an “adventurous” sixteen year old girl makes you very popular.

But I also noticed that many of the chat room inhabitants were communicating in a strange code, using terms like “IMHO,” “AFAIK,” and “TTFN” to communicate with each other. But what were these strange word-like constructions? Are they dirty words? And why do some people call an entire computer a “modem?” I decided to find out.

After cruising chat rooms, scanning web sites, downloading useless programs from Cnet, and generally just irritating people, I came out with a net gain of getting subscribed to three email “marketing” lists and a virus on my hard drive. And it was a virus that subscribed me to more “marketing” lists.

I decided to do what I usually do when I get stressed, and drank Windex until I passed out. And when I awoke, the Magical Internet Fairy appeared and told me what I needed to know with a series of abstract images featuring a voice-over by Tom Skerrit about lemon farming.

So, here is my Handy Guide To Chat Room Abbreviations.

AFAIK: As Far As I Kill

IMHO: In My Hard-drive Only

TTFN: Remind Me To Kill You Later

TWTWTM: That’s What The Whales Told Me

TMITTOS: TangMonkey Is The Tool Of Satan

MKISIMLN: My Keyboard Is Stuck In My Left Nostril

WTH?: What’s That? Ham?

HASML?: Has Anyone Seen My Leg?

And here are some that you on the Tangmonkey Forum will find useful.

ASKFYRMCVOIFNRLDIERHWODLRJEUFODEKRHFYERJEOF: Hello

ITSIAV: I Think Seb Is A Vampire

SWTHIUWA: So What The Hell Is Up With Ash?

CWDYWAS: Cosmicgirl Will Destroy You With A Stapler

TWIT: Zebulon

FMWM: Feel My Wrath, Monkey!

ZIOOI: Zebulon Is Out Of Ideas

SWEIK: So What Else Is New?

ZCTI: Zebulon Calls Those Ideas??

TITEOTC: This Is The End Of The Column.

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