Top Ten Complaints Among Characters from the Matrix
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November 17, 2003: By A Good Ladd, #167
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10.
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Eye strain from wearing sunglasses all the time, even when it's not f**king sunny.
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9.
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Constantly tripping over long, flowing coats.
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8.
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Whacked in the face by ecstatic, writhing underground dancer.
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7.
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Tired of Morpheus and his Goddamn pseudo-philosophical crap.
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6.
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Brain tumours from excessive cell phone use.
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5.
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Meals are always messy because all the f**king spoons are bent out of shape.
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4.
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Various injuries from just-for-the-hell-of-it, no-reason-whatsoever, fancy martial arts fights.
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3.
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VD from unprotected sex with Neo ("Come on, baby, we don't need a condom; I'm the one!")
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2.
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Forgetting they're in the real world and trying run up a wall and do a triple-flip.
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1.
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Broken bones from falling into the huge plotholes.
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Editor's Note: 11. sucking too much.
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