Top Ten Least Effective Mobster Threats
January 30, 2003:   By Doctor Furious, #126
10. 
'This sure is a nice store you have here.  It'd sure be a shame if someone 'accidentally' re-tiled your bathrooms."
9. 
"You're going to go the way of Crystal Pepsi, if you know what I mean."
8. 
"I'd sure hate for something to happen to the REST of your doilies."
7. 
"Don't make me pinch you."
6. 
"You've been late with your protection.  You were warned- now it's five minutes with the cute puppy."
5. 
"Let me introduce you to a friend of mine - Mr. Itchy."
4. 
"You make me sad.  And you wanna know what I do when I get sad?  I go home and have a nice cup of cocoa, read a romance novel and have a good cry.  Then I kick someone's ass."
3. 
"Pay up or face my Whiffle bat."
2. 
'That roll of paper towels sure looks expensive."
1. 
"It'd be a shame if something happened to that Saved By The Bell Trapper Keeper."
Editor's Note: I'm glad the mobsters I was in trouble with were more stern than this.  Otherwise I'd have to go without my weekly government disability cheque.
 
 
 

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