Pulp,

I find your comment about the people of Australia as backwards offensive. But I expect no less from a typical angry and arrogant Seppo such as your self.

Why shouldn't we put our own spins on ideas, like Christmas, and Santa's reindeer's being replaced by kangaroos, as its hard enough to pull a freakin' sledge without the aid of snow, as incase you didn't realize, its summer here at Christmas time, i.e, no snow!

It's bad enough that my country is getting more and more Americanized everyday, and despite being supposed allies, your country continually screws us at every given opportunity, especially in trade with our traditional partners and neighbors.

And as far as your derogatory comments towards the people of Afghanistan, do you really believe its a war against terrorism? More likely its a war against a people who finally go jack of a country whose policies toward them kept them down, and wouldn't tow the line and keep the status quo.

A war against terrorism? Where the hell were your peoples high and might ideals when terrorists were bombing the crap out of London and Belfast? Where were they when terrorists were gassing subways in Tokyo and Paris? Sorry, I just don't buy that, and in my opinion, we, Australia, should not be involving ourselves in this business. But, because of our so-called "alliance" with your country, of which we seem to only be allies when it involves your country, oh, and thanks for Vietnam, Australia seems to only come into conflict when someone else drags us into it. WW1 and II, England. Korea and Vietnam, America. Gulf War, again America. Where were you guys during the East Timorese crisis against Indonesian terrorists?

But I digress. I found your comments about Christmas in Australia offensive and unnecessary. And before you go spouting about backwards people, proof check your own article, certain wording and phrasing was the equivalent of a six year old.

It is not my intent to insult you, only to set you straight on a few issues.

Ray Chandler

To: Ray Chandler
From: pulp@tangmonkey.com
Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001
Subject: re:Latest issue issue's!

Thanks for your feedback, Ray, and I must say you raise some good points, although I was too stunned by the realization that Australia has discovered both email and literacy to process most of them. Quite frankly, I thought you guys were still hung up on electricity, but hey, you learn something new every day. Anyway, we're sorry if we offended you. Our purpose was not to insult, but rather to enlighten the civilized world of your country's barbarous corruption of a holy Christian holiday.

As for the rest of your email, you seem to be rather purturbed about the way America handles things. This would be a stinging indictment, and quite infuriating if only me or anyone else involved in PULP were American. But I can pretend, if you'd like. Let's proceed, shall we?

Firstly, you're right. It's not a war against terrorism. It's a war against Afghanistan. Which is full of terrorists. Good point. And yes, since deposing a hostile government that violently oppresses women and despises the Western world isn't technically your affair, we should never have expected you to come to our aide. Fine, be that way. Just don't come crying to us when you get invaded by New Zealand or whatever. And secondly, before you start accusing the US of 'keeping countries down', you'd do well to remember that your precious Australia is responsible for inflicting both Crocodile Dundee and Yahoo Serious on the the rest of the world, so I think you've got quite a bit to apologize for yourself.

But regardless, your comments are greatly appreciated, although quite frankly the six-year old bit was unnecessary and, if I am to assume that you're referring to the article that mentions Australia, quite untrue. Nevertheless, thanks for reading, and definitely thanks for writing. We don't get nearly enough negative responses down here in the mail room, which means we're doing something wrong. Feel free to write back, and we hope you keep reading PULP.

Ash Carreau

To: pulp@tangmonkey.com
From: Ray Chandler
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001
Subject: Re: Appologies

Pulp,

My sincerest apologize, I mistook your rave for American Hype, its obvious to me now, that you are Canadian, and therefore, some really unlucky dudes who live too close to America, again, sorry!

As to Crocodile Dundee and Yahoo Serious, Americans embraced Dundee (Paul Hogan was on the verge of non-existence until then), and Yahoo Serious, well, what can I say... Sorry?!

You might find it interesting to know that we have also put a new spin on Easter as well. We don't have an Easter bunny anymore, not since the "Easter Bilby" kicked the bunny's ass and mad a hostile take-over bid...!

There is someone else who I feel, although feel no responsibility for, as nearly no-one here has any idea, or don't admit to it at least, and that is Steve Irwin, a.k.a., Crocodile Hunter. The guy is an out and out idiot, not well like here, and basically been disowned by anyone here, but HUGH in the States.

Ah well, what are you going to do?!? Electricity? If Americans had their way, we and large numbers of foreign countries including you guys most likely, would still be rubbing sticks together and giving praise to the moon.

Ah well, what are you going to do?!?

To: Ray Chandler
From: pulp@tangmonkey.com
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001
Subject: Re: Appologies

Actually, you'd be surprised how many people in both Canada and the United States spend their time giving praise to the moon. We call them "wiccans", or "idiots", and if it were up to them, we'd be fighting terrorism with hugs and thank-you cards.

Easter Bilby, eh? I won't pretend I know what the hell a Bilby is. I'll just assume it's one of those freaky animals you guys make up to attract tourists, like a 'wallabe' or 'koala'.

As for Crocodile Hunter, we don't actually like him up here on the right side of the world, we're just intrigued by the perpetual threat of him getting bitten by something venomous. The idea of watching his throat swell up like a pufferfish is just way too tempting for us reality TV addicts. And while I accept your apology for mistaking us for Americans, I will never forgive you or your kind for Yahoo Serious, and to a lesser extent Nicholas Roeg

Once again, thanks for reading, writing, and being one of the few people who sends hate mail and then takes the reply into account.

Ash