Tangmonkey Forum

Submit to pulp

March 2001

Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
In this issue:    Hannibal Ferox!    Japanese Porn!    Monster Truck Mayhem!    PLUS: Ash's Oscar Picks!   and way too much more!
"Arty farty foreign thingy..."

"Half the planet's population had seen those films. They were a truly planetary cinema, the harbinger of Free World domination. Toward the end of the century the property had even adopted the native cinematic structure of Third World chop-socky epics. It had abandoned merely Modernist plot structure for a steady, rhythmic round of stunt violence, expensive sets, and hot babes. Sadism, Snobbery, and Sex, a Free World formula that was the twentieth century's catnip for the masses."
Zeitgeist by Bruce Sterling

Hmmmmm... Profound!
I must reassess this motif I am experiencing in a post-Derrida deconstructionalist reconstructive simulacrum. Is the post-industrial female best represented by the repressed artist Artemisia or is it better to just make a movie with a smattering of nekkidness and put some yellow sub-titles below it?

Does any of that gobbly-guke make sense to you? If so then you are

(A) studying semiotic based literary studies.
(B) wasting your life.
(C) disturbed.
(D) [All the above statements are true.]
(E) [None of the statements from (A) to (E) inclusive are true.]

I am just down-right ornery. I rented a video [so I suppose this makes this fabulous column a video review] called


{Please note this is merely a PulpTM {we're going way corporate baby!} space filling technique much in keeping with the PulpyTM tradition. [This is also a self-referential space filling technique but I won't bore you with the Foucaultian interpretation.]}

Being the thoughtful and kind sorta fella [that's right, I'm male and proud of it] that I am, instead of picking the quality movies that I usually like to watch [Dumb and Dumber and The Big Lebowski representing the best that the celluloid genre has ever produced in pure machismo cinematic testicular cinema]; I decided to rent a meaningful piece of art from the fine transnational video store that promises always to have the video you want NOW!

Surprisingly - NOT, said video store did not have much of an arty-foreign section to it. As the above quotation makes my argument unnecessary, suffice it to say that foreign videos are just an arty-farty collection of semiotic Euro-trash that blindly points back to itself and says: "I speak a foreign language instead of English. I am suave and have savvy. Look at me and see the inner depth...but just in case this video is dull here is some nekkidity. Of course the nekkidness does not interest us European males, as we calmly walk the topless beaches of Montpellier. It is here purely for politico-artististe reason d'Ítre."

Yeah right!

I've figured it out. The Euro Cine-Kings of Production have figured out the best formula...don't make a movie only for 50% of the population. Make sure there is something for everyone...nekkidness is political.

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