I am quite the advocate of TV. It's entertaining, informative,
edjucational...and often, those 3 mighty powers combine into the
all-powerful infoedjutainment. TV has the power to bring news to the
people. To help mold nations thanks to election coverage and presidential
debates, from which the viewer may form opinions upon which they decide how
to vote for future leaders. TV can bring culture to the great unwashed
masses. Besides for snooty PBS stuff and "Inside the Actor's Studio",
there's no better place than TV to get all the latest info and gossip about
dinosaurs. And everyone loves dinosaurs! Without TV, I would have never
have known how instrumental Xena: Warrior Princess was in such important
historical events such as the assassination of Julius Caesar. Or that the
Daring Dragoon (a.k.a. - Jack of all Trades) often foiled the evil doings of
that no good Napoleon midget.
TV is good. TV is great. If you're against TV, you're against democracy.
Therefore, if you don't want to watch TV, why don't you get back on that
train and return to the hammer and sickle commie-land where you come from.
That's right, back to the homeland to watch potatoes grow while standing in
line waiting for handouts of spare toilet paper and vodka. But I digress...
Unfortunately though, like in any medium of artistic expression (comic
books, movies, action figures...), no matter how good the intentions of the
giant/powerful/evil faceless TV network studio, every once in a while a big
pile of garbage slips through the cracks. A monstrosity at such levels of
awfulness, it makes you wish that you had been born a century or so earlier,
in a "Land of the Lost" type time before TV was invented. A place in history
where you'd have to read books or play with hula-hoops to be entertained.
Yes, I realize that that sounds like crazy talk from a fool hepped up on
crack. But no crack fool am I! I have seen the depths of sub-mediocrity
that the otherwise beloved TV can sink to. And in this case, I point to
I'm sure that "Smallville" seemed like a good idea at the time to the
executives at Warner Bros.. Of course, handing over the reigns of the
Batman franchise to Joel "Fruity" Schumacher also seemed like a good idea to
some genius at the studio (he typed with bitter sarcasm flying out from his
fingertips as they bashed across the keyboard). Why does Batman's suit have
nipples!?! Why!?! But I digress...again...
If you took "Lois and Clark" (which in itself wasn't exactly a ray of bright
summer sunshine) and smushed it together with troubled teen characters of
"Dawson's Creek", then amalgamated that with the plotline mentality of every
single "Murder She Wrote", you'd get yourself a brand new baby "Smallville".
Another in a seemingly endless stream of shows trying to ride the coat
tails of the aforementioned "Creek" and "Buffy" (I'm looking at you
"Charmed"...you too "Roswell"...I'm very disappointed in both of you). Like
the trend seems to be for male "teen" leads (he's probably actually in his
mid-thirties or something), this particular show stars a doe eyed,
coquettish lil' fellow in the role of Clark Kent. There's the traditional
platonic female buddy Joey Potter/ Betty (as in from Archie Comics)...she
secretly loves Clark...shhh, don't tell. His other friend is supposed to be
the Jimmy Olsen type I guess. He's the token black guy that network's have
been placing in shows of late to reassure the NAACP and other similar
organizations that all's fine with the world and there's no reason to get
sponsors all riled up about a little thing like racism. There's some other
characters...like Lex Luthor and Lana Lang...but I'm running out of steam in
the "giving a damn about any of this" department to continue with passing
along descriptions of this awful show and these awful characters to you.
The only other interesting character footnote that I will pass along is that
Superboy's dad is played by one of the Duke boys. Unlike the classic "Dukes
of Hazzard" though, this program features no General Lee automobile and so
far hasn't had any form of good ole' boys running from the law in order to
spread the wonderful joy of moonshine and debilitating alcoholism to all the
fine folks of the county.
Hopefully, "Smallville" will be put out of its misery before it goes too far
and ends up tearing apart the very fabric that holds our society and the
time space continuum together. Probably not, however, considering that we
live in a world that allowed "Star Trek: Voyager" to run for 7 years and
others like "Coach", "Full House" and "Golden Girls" to run for a decade or
so. Plus, not to mention the fact that for some reason, the masses
(Entertainment Weekly, TV Guide, Rolling Stone etc...) seem to actually like
the thing. Not since Kevin Costner was acclaimed as a "best actor" have I
been so confused by the backwards world in which we find ourselves.
Comic books are great. TV is great. Why then, more often than not, when the
2 are combined does the end product end up being so painfully awful?
Truly...a mystery for the ages.