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Jan/Feb/Mar 2002
Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
CULT PICK O' THE MONTH!
Mondo Magic *****
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Ash
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Civilization versus nature. Order versus chaos. Humanity versus savagery.
This theme has been echoed time and time again in the annals of cinematic
history. From the complex exploration of the barbarity in the human heart
found in Apocalypse Now, to the in-depth examination of the metaphorical
beast within of Happy Gilmore, this fascinating concept has arisen over and
over in movie after movie, and now it is found once again in the shocking
documentary Mondo Magic. Produced by the Caligariti brothers, who took time
off from making exploitative Italian cannibal movies to make this
exploitative Italian documentary, Mondo Magic explores the intrigues of
primitive third world mysticism, contrasting it with the so-called
"civilization" of the modern world. The brothers approach the subject fairly
and objectively, taking the viewer around the world, spending time with
various tribes and cultures, letting us get familiar with their respective
religions, practices and the various other reasons why white people are
apparently better than the rest of the world. While years of indoctrination
by crudely made CBC anti-racism commercials caused me to balk at the film's
ragingly xenophobic attitude, there is a certain ring of truth to the
civilization versus nature argument they propose. Frankly, I couldn't care
less about McDonalds' cultural colonialism erasing national identities, so
long as it means I can eat Crispy McChicken sandwiches instead of roasted
spiders cooked by a South American shaman clearly high on powdered frog
skin. And although there are problems with the Canadian health care system,
one of them is not that some witch doctor with a crazed look in his eye will
try to cut off the upper phalange of your finger if you have a migraine.
These are just a few of the images given to us in Mondo Magic, as we are
guided through the wonders of the third world by a narrator who sounds
suspiciously like a Hitler Youth den leader trying to make the best of his
new life in Argentina. We start out with a naked African tribe, who spend
their days smearing themselves with cow urine and sporting flat-top haircuts
highly reminiscent of early 90's Fresh Prince episodes. From then, we move
on to the Amazon Basin, where we meet a similarly nude group of tribesmen,
who solve disputes over adultery by bashing each other over the heads with
specially crafted sticks until their hair bleeds. Then, we're off to the
Philippines, where psychic surgeons cure tumors by poking people in the eyes
with a bloody sponge, and then back to Africa for a series of bizarre sex
rituals that go on and on until the whole audience becomes firmly convinced
that the entire Third World should be paved over and replaced with
Blockbuster franchises. But why stop there? Even some of the first world
kind of sucks, and could benefit from American cultural colonialism. Quite
frankly, I've never been a big fan of the French, and as a film buff, I'd
much prefer that the whole Nouvelle Vague movement be swapped with a few
Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns, or even a good Blondie album. And I can
do without the whole Scandinavian peninsula entirely, despite their proud
tradition of ultra-right wing 'Viking' metal and that funny Swedish chef on
The Muppet Show. And even as a Canadian, I'm the first to admit that the
Great White North could do with a solid dose of US imperialism. Aside from
the Olympics, I swear I'd slit my wrists if I ever caught myself watching
the CBC. Honestly, do we as a nation really need another two hour special on
Pierre Trudeau, or yet another TV show starring Jonathan Torrance of Street
Sense? Degrassi and Degrassi fans make me physically ill, to the point where
my only recourse is to make email death threats to Joey Jeremiah, and
someone has to please stop the Royal Canadian Air Farce before it ruins any
more lives. For crap's sake, people, that show is like what would happen if
a bunch of boring people's parents got together to write some skits after
Monday night bridge, and then got all the funny bits cut out by the CRTC and
replaced with Can Con. And let's not even begin with the Canadian music
scene. We represent ourselves to the international community with Celine
Dion and the Barenaked Ladies, and then we wonder why we're the laughing
stock of the United Nations? And then we have the gall to bitch about how
the US doesn't like the Tragically Hip. Nobody likes the Tragically Hip.
Everyone up here's just too simple on Molson at their concerts to notice
that they only really have one song, and it's a pretty bad Rush cover. I
didn't want to lump Canadians in with spider-eating savages, but Great Big
Sea gives me no choice. Frankly, our culture sucks. So if you ever happen to
see a condescending, alarmingly intolerant Italian documentary film crew
trying to discover what utter barbarity could have spawned The Tom Green
Show, just smile, nod, and go back to picking nits out of your hockey
jersey.
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