Tangmonkey Forum

Submit to pulp

Spring 2000

Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
This is not truly the end for pulp, check out Series 2! for more whacky pulp antics!
Who Wants to be a Moron...

I have never felt so much personal pressure as I do right now - smacking these keys as I put pure psyche to Pulpulescent paper. I look back with ptomainic feelings for this dear rag, but now I rest easy knowing that it shall never reside within the halls of this fine structure again. Pulp is dead - long live swarminess.

I could make this a completely self-referential piece about Pulp that would have personal value for my fan(s), but that would be the easy way out. Many a successful TV sit-com has been faced with the fact that eventually the wee prepubescent kid is not so cute after the hormones start to flow, so the producers use a very cheap trick to distract the loyal viewers from getting peeved; they make a looking back episode! In this madness, the producers save money by rehashing a whole lotta crappa, which is just patched together in the five to ten minutes of banter shot in the present. Pulp would never do that. Even "The ‘Bless’d’ Simpsons" stooped to these shenanigans in the episode with the late Troy McClure’s documentary on the creation and making of the "show created for mental titans" [i.e., The Simpsons - if you needed this clarification then you are not one of the high brows and I advise you to check the thickness of the calluses on your knuckles]. Matt G. tried to make it amusing but in the final analysis he should have been bathed in a mound of Pulpy rat feces collected by Ash for his [I’ve left this pronoun in an ambiguous state so you can choose which is the greater villain] transgressions against humanity. But I will refrain from such cheap tricks of wordsmithery; instead I shall make some poignant statements regarding the direction that the entertainment world is headed in but Pulp. is not a party to such pappy-Pulp.

Why is it that money game shows are becoming so popular? I don’t know. I do know that these shows are incredibly addictive. It can’t just be the money, because in this day and age of 24 hours of continuous and omnipresent gambling we are use to seeing people losing money and the odd person making the big windfall. Therefore I propose to the gentle readership of Pulp that humiliation is the new medium of the medium of television. Imagine this, you are one step away from winning 500 dollars and the question that you are asked is the following:

Feegis Rebut: For 1 000 dollars. Columbus set sail and finally found North America by accident. One of the ships that Columbus set sail in was called the Santa Mari__...
(a> z
(b) v
(c) e and Donny Osmond
(d) a

Adolt Brain: I think I’d better use one of my lifelines!
Feegis Rebut: You used them up already!
Adolt Brain: Then I’ll have to do this by myself... I think the answer is C!
Feegis Rebut: Is that your final answer Adolt?
Adolt Brain: Yeah!
Feegis Rebut: And your ...

Is that entertainment? If you think watching morons trying to win a few bucks is fun then what does that say about you? In a rare moment Saturday Night Live once had a skit called "Win a dollar." The late, John Belushi was the contestant on the show and he had to bob for apples in boiling oil to win a dollar. Then he had to reach into a fish bowl full of razor blades to find a marble to win a dollar. I guess that really isn’t very funny when you take inflation into account, instead it is high quality entertainment for the hoi poloi. Hallelujah the cathode ray religion is alive and well. Pulp is dead - long live TV.

So, I have successfully filled your neurophysiology with useless pieces of knowledge that go nowhere. That has been the mission statement of Pulp. for the last 13 issues and dear reader(s) we at Pulp.lay our inky swords down and submit to the higher order... "I think I’ll use my 50/50 Feegis!"

Disclaimer | Email Us | Dance!
Text, images, design, and our groovy mojo are ©
return to the top of the page