Tangmonkey Forum

Submit to pulp

April 2000

Download the word version, perfect for printing and handing out on street corners!
We’re back at last! Did you miss us? Didn’t think so. Anyway, we’re back just in time to miss April fool’s day, so be on the watch for plenty of wacky, Kaufman-esque pranks throughout this issue! Shakespeare takes on Hannibal Lector!   Cuba Gooding Jr. continues his quest get his Oscar stripped away! PLUS: ASH gets pissed off and rants for a full page! Oh Boy! All this and more more MORE!
Touch of Evil ***1/2

Famous Orson Welles movie that was recently re-edited according to Orson’s original vision. I don’t care how much tanning oil they slap on his face, Charlton Heston is not a Mexican, and Orson Welles is really really fat and gross. And oily. Championed as the epitome of film noir, Touch of Evil is the complicated story of a Mexican detective, played by Heston, who investigates the murder of someone or other. Heston’s investigation leads him to American police investigator Orson Welles, who may or may not be planting evidence, and a planet ruled by super-intelligent apes that actually turns out to be Earth itself. Needless to say, this causes quite a stir with wife Janet Leigh, who ends up locked up in a motel room by all these Mexican punks in leather jackets, pumped full of heroin and marijuana so as to frame SeZor Heston, where she is eventually killed by Norman Bates’ mother, who actually turns out to be Norman Bates himself. Orson Welles is the fat American detective with unscrupulous methods and a drinking problem who battles the Martians when they arrive on Earth, only to watch them die from the common cold. And Rosebud is a sled.

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