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Pirates Have Got Nothin' On Us
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All The Real Girls
9.16.2003 by , every Wednesday.
Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.
it's late, that's all I can tell.
All The Real Girls (2003): Small-town love story of a young man with a reputation for womanizing and his best friend's sister. Starring Paul Schneider, Zooey Deschanel, written and directed by David Gordon Green.
(Nathan is sitting beneath a poster of everything that has ever existed)
Nathan: Like French Toast with maple syrup in the batter...
Me: Yes..?
Nathan: ..or a suit with a flower in both lapels..
Me: Right..
Nathan: I wanna walk down the middle of the road like no one else has ever walked down the middle of the road.
Me: What's your opinion of method acting?
Nathan: Fuck off. That's boring.
(a leak in the ceiling drips on my forehead. it begins to swell)
Nathan: I was on to something, where was I?
Me: The middle of the road?
Nathan: Right. Where it starts.
Me: Where what starts?
Nathan: Uh...how do I put it...
Me: Us?
Nathan: Soul.
Me: It's hot in here.
(we both begin to sweat out poetry. bad poetry)
Nathan: It's like the thing, right? You have to walk pretty far down the middle of the road so you can make sure you're going to get somewhere no one's been.
Me: So this movie is aware of its past.
Nathan: Aware of your past too. Which is important, tell me about it.
Me: Small-town love story of a young man with a reputation for womanizing and his best friend's sister. Starring Paul Schneider, Zooey Deschanel, written and directed by David Gordon Green.
Nathan: A little heavy-handed and self-important, but my point exactly.
(explosions in the sky)
Nathan: Oh look!
Me: What happens if you grow up only having loved in movies?
Nathan: The only thing you can never do is make a movie.
Me: What happens if you try so hard to get where you are and give it up?
Nathan: There's not more where that came from.
Me: Can you get sick of something you haven't tried?
Nathan: You want me to say yes. This movie tells us no.
Me: This movie doesn't tell us anything.
Nathan: So why are we talking about it?
Me: Because we were both in the mood for it. I think.
(it's true, Nathan and I are walking home across town. it's 3am, and the whole world is having sex with itself and blowing smoke in our faces)
Nathan: (reading his arm) "From silence to violence."
Me: I agree with that. Or am I just being a pre-teen?
Nathan: I swear! Get fucking angry!
(I punch my hand through a statue of someone important)
Nathan: These characters are all so young. Americans act on hormones and dignity.
Me: We could take a lesson.
Nathan: Your talking is slowing your pace, Dan.
Me: Where's Cynthia at?
Nathan: Probably stretching out with some doll-boy lover.
(false - Cynthia was actually thinking about Nathan in passing at that moment, while reading a line from a John Updike book)
Me: What people put on other people.
Nathan: They should just put on themselves, and there you have your movie.
Me; When did you last see a movie that ended with "The End"?
Nathan: ..like a phone number in letters that doesn't make a word..
Me: Oh, for the love--
Nathan: Middle of the road like you ain't never seen.
(Nathan's hip-hop cred goes out the window, and so does everything else)
contact nathan
Notes:
the poems we perspired
by Dan and Nathan
you have muscles I don't have
this building is totally burning down
called in a noise complaint
when arguing with myself got out
off-hand, I couldn't tell you
the bus only comes
when it's on top/stolen turn
cage me with jailbirds
I'm a goodness thief
I'll steal your girlfriend too
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