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All The Real Girls
9.16.2003 by Dan Beirne, every Wednesday.


Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.


it's late, that's all I can tell.

All The Real Girls (2003): Small-town love story of a young man with a reputation for womanizing and his best friend's sister. Starring Paul Schneider, Zooey Deschanel, written and directed by David Gordon Green.

(Nathan is sitting beneath a poster of everything that has ever existed)

Nathan: Like French Toast with maple syrup in the batter...

Me: Yes..?

Nathan: ..or a suit with a flower in both lapels..

Me: Right..

Nathan: I wanna walk down the middle of the road like no one else has ever walked down the middle of the road.

Me: What's your opinion of method acting?

Nathan: Fuck off. That's boring.

(a leak in the ceiling drips on my forehead. it begins to swell)

Nathan: I was on to something, where was I?

Me: The middle of the road?

Nathan: Right. Where it starts.

Me: Where what starts?

Nathan: Uh...how do I put it...

Me: Us?

Nathan: Soul.

Me: It's hot in here.

(we both begin to sweat out poetry. bad poetry)

Nathan: It's like the thing, right? You have to walk pretty far down the middle of the road so you can make sure you're going to get somewhere no one's been.

Me: So this movie is aware of its past.

Nathan: Aware of your past too. Which is important, tell me about it.

Me: Small-town love story of a young man with a reputation for womanizing and his best friend's sister. Starring Paul Schneider, Zooey Deschanel, written and directed by David Gordon Green.

Nathan: A little heavy-handed and self-important, but my point exactly.

(explosions in the sky)

Nathan: Oh look!

Me: What happens if you grow up only having loved in movies?

Nathan: The only thing you can never do is make a movie.

Me: What happens if you try so hard to get where you are and give it up?

Nathan: There's not more where that came from.

Me: Can you get sick of something you haven't tried?

Nathan: You want me to say yes. This movie tells us no.

Me: This movie doesn't tell us anything.

Nathan: So why are we talking about it?

Me: Because we were both in the mood for it. I think.

(it's true, Nathan and I are walking home across town. it's 3am, and the whole world is having sex with itself and blowing smoke in our faces)

Nathan: (reading his arm) "From silence to violence."

Me: I agree with that. Or am I just being a pre-teen?

Nathan: I swear! Get fucking angry!

(I punch my hand through a statue of someone important)

Nathan: These characters are all so young. Americans act on hormones and dignity.

Me: We could take a lesson.

Nathan: Your talking is slowing your pace, Dan.

Me: Where's Cynthia at?

Nathan: Probably stretching out with some doll-boy lover.

(false - Cynthia was actually thinking about Nathan in passing at that moment, while reading a line from a John Updike book)

Me: What people put on other people.

Nathan: They should just put on themselves, and there you have your movie.

Me; When did you last see a movie that ended with "The End"?

Nathan: ..like a phone number in letters that doesn't make a word..

Me: Oh, for the love--

Nathan: Middle of the road like you ain't never seen.

(Nathan's hip-hop cred goes out the window, and so does everything else)

contact nathan

Notes:

the poems we perspired
by Dan and Nathan

you have muscles I don't have
this building is totally burning down
called in a noise complaint
when arguing with myself got out
off-hand, I couldn't tell you
the bus only comes
when it's on top/stolen turn
cage me with jailbirds
I'm a goodness thief
I'll steal your girlfriend too




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