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Rock Bottom
8.7.2003 by Adam.


You probably don't know me. I'm new here. My name is Adam.

I'll be writing for Tangmonkey. You can just blame Sean for that, although really it's my fault. See, I really like to write. Why?

Because I'm irritated.

There are hundreds of thousands of things in the world to be angry with. Driving, politics, news, sports, driving, ninjas, old computers like mine and driving are just a few. Writing gives me a release. So instead of stabbing that little old lady down the corner 17 times last week, I can just write up a dandy little thing here and share my head spasms with you all. After all, the police will only take the "cleaning the knife when it went off" story so many times.

Barring something drastic, most of my material will be about the little discrepancies that chap my backside. Stuff that people do that really makes no sense, but they do it anyways. Just because they can. And because it bugs the crap out of me.

And while I'm busy tricking you into laughing at yourself, I'll also point out some things that redeem us. The things that give us good right to be at the top of the food chain. Like peanut butter. And ninjas.

Mostly what I'm going to do, though, is to show you where you're taking us. I am not a driving force, I cannot make a difference myself. I'm just along for the ride, but sometimes I'll point out speed bumps. And sometimes I'll point out where you crash into that cop car right in front of you. Which is to say, sometimes I'm just here to laugh in your face.

Take consolation in the fact that I get my ideas right before I'm trying to sleep. It's really aggravating, trying to dream about beautiful women and fast cars and instead having hundreds of words bludgeoning their way out my eye sockets. Maybe that comes through in my stuff, maybe it doesn't. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm here and I won't lie to you. Because we're all on the same ride straight to the bottom, and it's a very, very long way down.

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