About the Co-Authors

Column Archive










The Prison Letters
6.11.2003 by Dan Beirne, every Wednesday.


Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.


Letter From Nathan To Dan:

On the envelope:
The Shape of Things (2003): Evelyn is an art student. Adam is a bumbling museum security guard. They meet and fall in love. But this is a Neil LaBute film, so it is not without the savage. Starring Rachel Weisz, Paul Rudd, Gretchen Mol, and Fred Weller.

Dan,

K, so I'm in prison. But I guess you know that. No one else is returning my letters, so I thought I'd try you. We watched this on movie night the other day, and I liked it. It has its tough going parts, the constant boring literary illusions, the bafflingly play-like dialogue, and the obvious shadows of In the Company of Men, but it has its nice parts too. Really nice parts. I wasn't briefed on the plot beforehand, so maybe that's why I enjoyed it so much. It's evil with a purpose, Dan. When does hurting someone stop being okay?
So, the people in here are nuts. One guy's writing a screen play. It's really good, but he actually thinks he can get famous or something from in here. He said, "I wouldn't normally do something like this, but I know I'm talented, I just need to make the world see that." What truly sad things there are, Dan.
I know I won't be in here very long, but still, you don't know how hard this is. You sit in your big house with your stupid job and your enormous girlfriend, but you don't know. you don't.

With Love,
NL

Letter From Dan To Nathan:

On the Envelop:
Badlands (1973): In 1959 a lot of people were killing time. Kit and Holly were killing people. Starring Martin Sheen, Sissy Spacek, directed by Terence Malick.

Nathan,

You only have yourself to blame for where you are. You carried yours with you like chewing gum, I was smart enough to put mine away from time to time. I saw The Shape of Things, I walked out.
I was thinking about what you said, about people being deluded with images of grandeur. I watched it summed up best in that other movie we watched, Days of Heaven, by the same guy that did this one. The main character just turns to that farmer and was all, "I woke up one morning and realised I was never going to make the big score." And that's just like that, isn't it? We grow up thinking we're going to be millionaires and movie gods; but we won't.
But, to tie this letter all together, and to give you a better feeling about where you are, you should watch Badlands. Martin Sheen with that "gotta do something" attitude; he makes it cool to be a criminal again.

feel better,
Dan Beirne

ps. 'with love'? wow, thanks Nathan.

Letter From Nathan To Dan:

On the envelope:
I GET IT!!

Dan,

That was a reflex, Dan, and I take it back now anyway. I watched that movie you told me to watch, and it did not make it cool to be a criminal. Asshole. I cried myself to sleep for three nights. Asshole. When I get out of here, I'm going to kick you in the eye.
Also, don't make quotes unless you "quote" it. That's plagiorism.
I'm your best friend, so I have the right, the ability, and the drive to tell you how wrong you are.
And you're wrong a lot.

- Nathan

as always, you can e-mail Nathan, to talk about movies or just chat about whatever.

Notes:

In the Company of Men: The first Neil LaBute movie. Really a fantastic thing, showcasing Aaron Eckhart's extreme potential.

Days Of Heaven: We haven't actually talked about this, I was writing from now, which is the future for that time. You'll see.




Disclaimer | Email Us | Dance!
Text, images, design, and our groovy mojo are ©
return to the top of the page