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Country vs. Country
3.30.2003 by Dan, every Monday.

Well, I sure picked a hell of a time to go on hiatus.

No sooner do I let down my guard than an event of such enormous magnitude goes down that it cannot be ignored. It traverses all human boundaries. People of all ages, races, nationalities, sexual preference, disability, political philosophy, time period, and hair color will both hear of and be touched by this singular defining event of a decade, and perhaps even of a generation.

I speak, of course, of Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks speaking less than kindly of President Bush.

First, let us take a look at our combatants, shall we?

In the right-hand corner, we have American President George Walker “Dubya” Bush, ex alcoholic (we hope) and ex-cokehead (we REALLY hope) semi-articulate leader of the free world.

In the left-hand corner, we have the Dixie Chicks, a trio of country/bluegrass/total crap singers who have been through a combined total of approximately seven husbands and are responsible for seventeen percent of the annual U.S. consumption of peroxide.

In the audience, we have a mixture of country music DJs, country music fans, and the news media, both of whom, for some idiot reason, care about this.

This is just the sort of thing that happens whenever I say things like “I sosmetimes wonder if people can get any stupider!” Of course, since I keep saying it anyway despite such events happening, I more or less prove my own point. But that's not what I'm going on about here.

How far gone does it say we are as a society when some overrated pop-country singer can go to Europe, say an idiot thing about an idiot President, and people will follow this, become angrier over this, than over a WAR???

I mean, come on, it's not like their songs are even that good. I mean, that Fleetwood Mac song has pretty stupid lyrics. If I do, in fact, see the reflection of anybody on a snow-covered hill, particularly someone who is not in the vicinity at the moment, I will already be running far and fast to a mental hospital when an AVALANCHE, which is what you actually call snow sliding off a DAMN HILL, and not a landslide, brings it down.

This is not to say that things are any more rational in the other camp, where the most common criticism of Ms. Maine's remarks come from conservative pundits who assert that, in a time of war, the President must be followed blindly without dissent or question.

I strongly suggest that you re-read that last sentence before you continue.

Now, I may be a bit confused about the basic principles upon which the United States government was founded, but I always thought that it was upon such little tidbits as an OPEN FORUM FOR DEBATE and the First Amendment, rather than blind obedience, because if I remember history correctly, does that not give you a KING?? If we are expected to just blindly fall in line behind our leaders at any sign of strife, then shouldn't our U.S. soldiers be over HERE “defending freedom,” as the media puts it?

Or maybe, as my therapists put it, I have anger issues.

However, as usual, I have come up with a reasonable solution to this debate. We get the Bush people, we get the Hollywood people, and we put them beneath a snow-covered hill, and tell them that the first yahoo who finds a reflection wins.

Then, we get a foghorn and let nature take its course.

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