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The Magic Christian
3.26.2003 by , every Wednesday.
Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.
Wednesday, March 19th, five hours later than normal
The Magic Christian (1969): Another Peter Sellers movie.
This piece is to be read aloud in a British accent, or at least anything resembling a voice north of Yorkshire line.
Me - a stout fellow of reserved disposition. The funniest a lad can get without a sense of humour.
Nathan - a charming man of high stature. Wealthier the Virgin Mary on Easter Sunday.
Tony - a pretty face, but not a brain in his head.
(the film finishes, and the curtain rises)
Nathan: I want you to meet a friend of mine, Dan. Say hello to Tony.
Tony: Oh, hello, Dan! I've heard a lot about you!
Me: Hello to Tony.
Tony: A lovely house you've got here, friend.
Me: Yes, expensive too. What's he doing here, Nathan?
Nathan: I've adopted him.
Me: You've what?
Tony: Adopted me, sir. To take legally into one's own family and raise--
Me: I know what it means, Tony. Have you lost your mind, Nathan? He smells like peanuts.
Nathan: Do you like money, Dan?
(sound of a large wad of 500 Pound notes slamming down on the table)
Me: My goodness!
Nathan: It's all for you.
Me: I...I'm...speechless! Thank you, Nathan! Tony!
Nathan: Ah, ah, ah! Don't touch, Dan. First you must answer a couple of questions. A wrong answer will result in this.
(he burns one of the notes with his lighter)
Me: Oh, God in Heaven!
Nathan: Now! Where do you find the Roundabout Spirit?
Me: Uh...I...pardon?
Nathan: Incorrect! Tony!
(Tony burns a note)
Me: Oh, you imbecile!
Nathan: Where do you find the Roundabout Spirit, Dan?
Me: ....I don't--
Nathan: Wrong!
(Tony burns another note)
Me: I don't understand!
Nathan: The ninny, Dan, the ninny. Now, where do you find the Roundabout Spirit?
Me: What are you saying!
Nathan: Nope! Not right!
Tony: Not right at all!
Me: Shut up, you twit!
Nathan: Dan, the question...
Me: Umm...uh...
Nathan: Dan!
Me: Hold on!
Nathan: An answer, Dan!
Me: London?
Nathan: Sorry!
(another note goes 'poof')
Me: Tokyo?
Nathan: No!
('poof')
Me: Toronto?
Nathan: Again!
('poof')
Tony: Outside the box, Dan.
Dan: I hate you!
Nathan: Wrong!
('poof')
Dan: Granular?
Nathan: Unright!
('poof')
Dan: Deep sea?
Nathan: No, sir!
('poof')
Dan: Calisthenics?
Nathan: Correct.
Dan: Oh! Oh, thank God! Oh, yes!
Nathan: That was question one. Question two, Tony?
Dan: Oh, no.
Tony: What am I thinking right now?
Dan: Oh, that's easy. What a beautiful house this is.
Tony: ....he got it.
(Nathan burns the rest of the money)
Me: Oh! Agh! What are you doing?!
Nathan: I didn't say I wanted you to get that one right, Dan.
(sounds of a gorilla in a dress coming into my bedroom. A bobby wearing only his hat is chasing the gorilla, but you can't hear that on the tape)
The accents fade, and the curtain false.
as always, you can e-mail Nathan at hakunamattata69@hotmail.com to talk about movies or just chat about whatever.
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