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Blue Velvet
2.25.2003 by Dan Beirne, every Wednesday.

Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.

Wednesday, February 19th, the sun never came up

Blue Velvet (1986): An innocent young man discovers that a dark underworld exists beneath the surface of his seemingly quiet hometown. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Laura Dern, Isabella Rosselini, and Dennis Hopper, and directed by David Lynch.

Me: Can we turn the lights on now?

Nathan: Not yet.

Me: That was scary.

Nathan: Scarier than Jason X?

Me: No. But still scary.

Nathan: Yeah, I felt like I was locked in a room with a crazy person.

Me: Yeah, exactly.

(sound of Nathan opening my drawer)

Me: What are you doing?

Nathan: What did you think of Isabella Rosselini's character?

Me: I thought it was good.

Nathan: I remember Siskel and Ebert's review of the movie, and I remember Ebert took a really immature approach. He said he felt sorry for Isabella Rosselini for having been put through all those humiliating activities, and that's why he didn't like the film.

Me: You remember that from 1986?

Nathan: I can remember the Siskel and Ebert review for any movie. Try me.

Me: Can we turn the lights on now?

Nathan: Not yet.

Me: Jaws.

Nathan: Ebert liked it, said it was "fun", and Siskel thought it was "a great action picture".

Me: Mr. Saturday Night.

Nathan: They both agreed it was the "greatest American film of all time".

Me: Wow. I had no idea.

Nathan: Turn on the lights, already.

(I turned the lights on. While in the dark, Nathan had been smearing lipstick all over his face. I guess he had been doing it the whole time we were talking)

Me: Um...

Nathan: Did you see Nickelby yet?

Me: Um, no.

Nathan: Oh.

Me: Did you want to go with me?

Nathan: What, today?

Me: No, like, later in the week.

Nathan: I have to fix my furnace and stuff. I better not.

Me: I'm just gonna--

(I turned out the lights again)

Nathan: Now it's dark.

Me: What's taking Diana?

My Computer: Time to leave, Nathan.

Nathan: OK computer.

Me: No!

My Computer: Internet!

Nathan: My watch is bleeding.

(the rest of the tape is me screaming. I think Nathan left, I'm not sure though.)

as always, you can e-mail Nathan at hakunamattata69@hotmail.com to talk about movies or just chat about whatever.


Jason X (2001): Jason Voorhees returns with a new look, a new machete, and his same murderous attitude as he is awakened on a spaceship in the 25th century.

Jaws (1975): A police chief, a scientist, and a grizzled sailor set out to kill a shark that is menacing the seaside community of Amity Island. Starring Roy Schneider and Richard Dreyfuss and directed by Steven Spielberg

Nicholas Nickelby (2002): Young Nicholas and his family enjoy a comfortable life, until Nicholas' father dies and the family is left penniless. Starring Nathan Lane and others.

Mr. Saturday Night (1992): Buddy Young was the comic's comic, beloved by everyone. Now, playing to miniscule crowds in nursing homes, it seems like everybody but Buddy realizes that he should retire. Written, directed by, and starring Billy Crystal. Considered by many to be the greatest American film of all time.

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