About the Co-Authors

Column Archive

Waiting With Ash
1.21.2003 by Dan Beirne, every Wednesday.

Nathan Lane comes over every Wednesday to the house to watch a movie, or just chat with Dan. Dan found these little chats so interesting, he decided to tape-record them and tell the world all the neat things Nathan had to say about movies and stuff.

Wednesday, January 15th, cloudy

Nathan, for obvious reasons, is a very busy person. Every so often, he has prior engagements on Wednesdays and cannot join me to watch a movie. This week, I guess he felt bad or something, because he sent me an e-mail with an address near my house, and the name Ash. I didn't know this at the time, but apparently Ash writes a column for this website. Anyway, I went to Ash's house to watch a movie this week, and it was really weird. He had a doorman who kept telling me to shut up, and he lives in this like grand ballroom. But he had some neat art on the wall. At least I think it was art.

The Cranes Are Flying (1957): Veronica and Boris are lovers in Russia at the start of World War II. Boris goes off to war, leaving Veronica in the care of his cousin. Boris dies, but Veronica is never told. She spends the rest of the film searching for news of him, and for a way to live her life without him. Starring Tatayana Samojlova and directed by Mikhail Kalatazov.

(I was still really nervous, so you can hear me eating mouthful after mouthful of chips. I think they were stale)

Me: (through the chips) So whadid you think?

Ash: Mmm. I liked it better when it was called Every Other World War Two Movie.

Me: Um, what?

Ash: And why do Russians still have so much dignity? Have they ever won a war?

Me: (eating chips, staring wide-eyed) Ha ha.

Ash: The way they talk, it's like a rabbit in a garberator.

Me: A rabbit in a--

Ash: Don't get me wrong, I love Russians. I mean, without them, the top suitcase bomb producers would still be putting M-16s in airport toilets.

Me: Well, I'd better be--

Ash: You know, for a movie called The Cranes Are Flying, there were barely any cranes and almost no flying.

Me: Well, maybe--

Ash: I mean, for my $4.50 rental price, I want to see hordes of birds attacking the Axis armies, or at least that Bjork-looking chick riding on a big friggin' crane into Stalin's pool house or something.

Me: Umm--

Ash: Although, they did have that big storm scene that turned into a rape scene. That was cool. I mean, how often do movies have the weather imitate what's going on in the plot? That was really fresh.

Me: Yeah, you're right.

Ash: And leave it to the Russians to have the bleakest ending possible. She finds out her boyfriend is dead so the climax is her finally realising that everyone she loves is gone.

Me: I thought it was--

Ash: So, all in all, a great movie. Provided, of course, you're a General Hospital fan who's always thinking to themselves, "Gee, I wish this show had more Russian soldiers in it. And why can't they ever make the symbolism more heavy-handed?"

Me: Oh....Right.....Um.....Wait, what?

Ash: So what did you think?

(at this point, the doorman leaned over and pressed stop on my tape recorder and pointed to the door. It was really strange, 'cause when I looked back to say good-bye to Ash, he wasn't there)

um, so, you can e-mail Ash, if you want, or you can e-mail Nathan as usual.


Every Other World War Two Movie (????) I've never heard of it.

General Hospital (1963-present) television soap opera on abc. I really like it.

Disclaimer | Email Us | Dance!
Text, images, design, and our groovy mojo are ©
return to the top of the page