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A Tangmonkey For The Third Millennium
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Chapter 22: Hide and Go Seek
8.18.2002 Edited by , every Sunday.
As Bjorn and Jesus stepped out of the subway car a group of tired and despaired looking men and women clad in business suits and briefcases staggered towards them, barely giving Bjorn and Jesus the space to get out of the subway car.
“Perfect timing. Based on the bags under their eyes, their stooped posture and their hopeless gazes, I’d say these folks are some of America’s more dedicated workers and they’re calling it quits for the day. That means the buildings will be empty except for the extra dedicated workers and the cleaning staff, who should be easy enough to avoid.”
“Um...Bjorn?” asked Jesus, as she looked around skeptically, “Why are we here? It looks like another bustling building full of people. Just another obvious place for McNohart’s goons to look for us.”
Having forgotten about Jesus’ intellectually challenged grasp of modern history and not used to capacitating more knowledge than his peers, Bjorn scoffed at his knowledge of modern day facts and at her lack there of. “This is an office building.” Judging by Jesus’s killer glare Bjorn guessed that wasn’t explanation enough. “People come here during the day to work and leave at night to spend time with their families and prepare for their next day of work,” he further ventured “it should be empty at night. Besides, it’s huge, full of places to hide, and it’s perfectly safe. I worked here as a security guard while training to be an agent for the FDA. I know all the security procedures and codes for the buildings. The security is completely automated so no one will ever notice we’re here.
Bjorn led Jesus to a half hidden door, punched in a 27 digit security code, swung the door open, led Jesus down a series of corridors and into a little room full of flashing lights, big red buttons labelled ‘do not press’ and TV monitors. It had been years since Bjorn had last visited the World Trade Centre but he remembered the process as though it was yesterday.
“Motion detectors, security breaches, oncoming airplane detection system,” read Jesus out loud, “Where are we?”
“This is the main security headquarters. If anything askew happens in the building this security system is automatically informed and the proper authorities are contacted. Since we’ll want to roam around the building I figure I can just shut the whole thing down. That way we’ll never get caught and McNohart will never know we’re here. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen in a few hours?”
Bjorn’s hand reached towards the biggest, reddest button which was accompanied by the biggest ‘do not push’ label. He was about to push the button when he paused for a moment to consider his action. The words “what’s the worst that can happen” echoed in his head like a bad flashback sequence. The room was full of tension. You could cut through the impending doom with a knife. Pushing his thoughts aside, Bjorn chuckled at his silly hesitation. This was New York City after all. If they weren’t safe there they weren’t safe anywhere (if they couldn’t make it there they couldn’t make it anywhere). He pushed the button.
“Ok, let’s find somewhere comfortable to spend the night,” said Bjorn enthusiastically.
“Finally, something relevant to my profession,” said Jesus.
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind,” sighed Jesus, not sure if Bjorn’s apparent ignorance was a polite charade about her choice of profession or if he was a little on the dense side.
One of Bjorn’s favourite childhood hobbies was to map out the interiors of famous buildings. As a result he had an unusual aptitude to recall even the smallest of details in buildings as large as the World Trade Centre. He knew the Centre like the back of his hand.
It wasn’t long before they arrived in a room supplied with a fridge, a sink, and a very comfortable looking bed.
Seeing Jesus on the bed reminded Bjorn of how beautiful she was.
He was enticed. This beautiful woman was genuinely interested in spending time with Bjorn.
“Hide and go seek! What a great idea! I haven’t played that in ages.”
Bjorn was too excited to pay any heed to what Jesus was saying. “Okay, you count and I’ll hide. After you find me we’ll switch. What a great way to spend the evening!”
“Wait! Bjorn...”
“You’re right,” interrupted Bjorn, “both buildings are a little much. The second building is off limits. Only 110 floors, 50,000 square feet each, of pure hide and go seek fun! Count to 100 and remember, no peeking.” By the time Jesus could protest Bjorn was out the door, no doubt on his way to a remarkable hiding space.
Bjorn was debating whether he should hide in one of the classic spots, Jesus would never dare check in a men’s washroom, or if he should choose a more original spot when he heard a suspicious sounding voice coming from around the corner.
“They juthst had to come in here, the largethst building in the thity” slurred a low male voice.
“Darn it by golly!” thought Bjorn angrily, “How do they always find me? At least this time I have the upper hand. I know where he is but he doesn’t know where I am.”
Just then a nearby elevator opened.
“Well, well, well, look who dethided to thow up.”
“I found her wandering the building. She was alone.” Answered the garbled voice of a woman who had smoke a few too many cigarettes.
“They found Jesus!” thought Bjorn. “I have to save her!” Bjorn thought that if he could surprise them he and Jesus could make a run for it.
Bjorn was slowly rounding the corner, ready to pounce when, all of a sudden, “What ith that repulthive thmell?” erupted from the lips of a very short, very fat man dressed in a spandex unitard.
“Ah nuts” said Bjorn. He still hadn’t changed his pants since the humiliatingly successful urination incident. He made a mental note to do that as soon as he had a spare moment. In the mean time he shouted “Run!” And they did.
Fat spandex man and cigarette lady couldn’t keep up with Bjorn and Jesus, despite Jesus’ 6 inch heels.
By Stephanie Avery
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