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Gorillas Just Can't Pull It Off
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Thumbs Up / Down
7.6.2002 by , every Wednesday.
Yeah I know it's late, but you know what they say, "Better late than crappy". Oh wait.
Summer
 Ahh summer... When a young man's thoughts turn to sports-bra-clad rollerbladers. Anyone living in Eastern North America can relate to the hot, humid weather that we've been getting lately, after a long, cold, rainy spring. Beaches, BBQs, patios, Bikinis, Vitamin D, forest fires, all the things that we missed over the winter are back in full force. Mind you, the smog makes breathing a chore, and I am forced to hide from the heat in my basement for most of the day, but having a zoom camera makes up for it. MORE than makes up for it, as you can see.
Avril Lavigne
 Why is it that it's always the crappy Canadian singers who get popular internationally and give us a bad name? Why is it that Céline Dion is called a "Diva" while Sloan tours in places like Kingston? Why is it that post-Reckless Bryan Adams makes it onto Hollywood movie soundtracks while Kardinall Offishall is reduced to playing the 50%-of-capacity McGill Frosh Concert? Somehow (insert sucking noise here), this young high-school dropout from Central Ontario managed to snag herself a major-label record deal in the states, with profoundly irritating "music" that is whiny, simple-minded and riddled with clichés both musical and lyrical. Imagine, a mallrat teen talking about how life in the sub-suburbs is a drag, dude. Haven't heard that before ever eh? Of course she does appeal to some people.
Inferno
Ahh, nothing to cheer one up like a nice excursion down to the Ninth Circle of Hell. And I'm not talking about Montreal. I dropped by the library the other day because I figured that by putting on a black turtleneck and some tight pants, and hanging out in a coffee shop reading Inferno, I could pick up some intellectual chicks – perhaps some Religious Studies students. Word on the street is that they really put out. Anyhow, I got too engrossed in the book and just wound up reading it at home while drinking flat beer left over from our Canada Day keg party. For those of you with nothing better to do, it's a delightful read: People getting dismembered, boiled in blood and tar, drowning in feces, buried alive and set on fire; It's Chicken Soup for the Morbid, Sadistic, Hate-Filled Soul. Boo-yeah.
The Folks in Washington
I think that every week gives me a new reason to drop my newspaper at the breakfast table, yell "All right, that's IT!", shrink back into my chair upon realising just how unimportant I am, and then pour some more beer on my Corn Flakes. This week was no exception. The Americans have been whining about the ICC for quite some time, and this week threatened to veto peacekeeping missions if their own people weren't exempt from prosecution for war crimes. Never mind that the ICC has plenty of safeguards against show trials, and that it can only take on a case that has been refused by the national courts of both nations involved. Never mind that none of the other countries have these concerns. The US Government just doesn’t want those pesky foreigners hassling their boyz. If the other members of the Security Council have any cojones, they should just start up their own peacekeeping club and do the missions themselves if the US vetoes them. Of course the emphasis here must be placed on the IF.
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