FAQ Gone Wrong
What is this crap? I wanted one of JP's masterfully written columns!
This crap is an attempt to fill space while I recover from the horrible flu my friend Josh gave me. I'm in a world of pain you see so creative column ideas are not forthcoming, I'll try hader next time, promise.
Yeah, you'd better try harder or you'll be in a world of pain!
I'm already *in* a world of pain, I just said that.
Oh yeah, sorry, I hope you get better soon.
Thanks, but you really should have phrased that as a question, we're doing an FAQ here.
Ok, questions, no problem, I can do questions.
Alright, let's get started then!
I like birds.
Ok, look, you've missed the point here, I need frequently asked QUESTIONS!!
Yes, now you've got it!
Like that, perfect, go on.
Yes, but ones readers may have asked me on a regular basis.
Just pretend ok?
Pretend you have readers?
Ones who ask you questions on a regular basis?
Sometimes I read things.
Have you ever read my column?
Well I don't think so, what's it called?
Arghh!! It's called BLAG, on Tangmonkey.com, you're in it right now!
I'm in the column? How?
Well I write the column and I decided this might be a bit entertaining so I wrote you into it.
So I'm in the column, like you.
Well yes, but I exist in real life, beyond the column.
You mean I don't exist?
Not outside my mind you don't. All you are is an idea in my head and some words on my screen.
Now look, I don't see why you're being so difficult, I mean really, you're a fictional character, you should do as you're told!
Aww jeez, don't cry.
I'm... *sniffle*... NOT... crying...
Look, just be a man about it alright?
How can I? I don't even know if I am a man or not!
Ah yes, I hadn't thought of that.
Well? which one am I? Male or female?
I suppose I hadn't really assigned you with a sex.
That explains the void in my loins.
Heh, "void in my loins", would make quite a good band name.
Hey! you've just informed me that I don't exist and have no gender! You could show a little more respect than to be chuckling to yourself about band names. It'd make a terrible name anyway.
Oh yeah? what would you name a band if you had the chance?
The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
That's the name of a band that already exists! They're quite popular you know.
Well how am I supposed to know that? I'm just a simple fictional character.
You live in my brain, you should know everything I know.
Well there doesn't seem to be much in here, though I could have a good game of squash.
Alright, I've had just about enough of this, now I must devise an ending to this madness.
Right, I've had enough too, on to bigger and better things!
What's your name by the way?
Pah, you should know that, I mean you "thought me up" and all that, sheesh!
Come on now, this is your big chance to individualize yourself.
Alright, my name is Sam, happy?
*Sam is crushed by an anvil*