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How Christmas Stole The Grinch
12.1.2001 by Zebulon

I first wrote this a year ago when "The Grinch" was just hitting theaters, so it's a little dated.

In 1957, a man by the name of Doctor Theodore Geisel wrote a touching parable about how Christmas was over commercialized. It was published under his pen name, Dr. Seuss, and called “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” It soon became a holiday classic, and though Dr. Geisel gave permission for Grinch and other works of his to be made into animated TV specials, he refused to grant permission for it to made into a theatrical movie until his dying day.

But now, Dr. Seuss is dead, so it’s time to party!!! As you know, unless you’ve been living alone under a rock with absolutely no contact with the outside world and, like Dr. Geisel, have been dead for over a decade, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” has been renamed “The Grinch,” to get rid of all that depressing and unnecessary “losing Christmas” baggage, and made into the Movie Event Of The Holidays.

Madcap actor Jim Carrey has been cast as the Grinch, so the Grinch can be even more zany than ever!! The screenwriters have done an excellent job dissecting Seuss’ story, eliminating all that tiresome and heavy “Story with a message” crap so we can watch a green hairy Jim Carrey walk around and act wacky! It’s Grinch-tastic! Truly the Grinch the way should have been written.

And we also get nifty new ways to remember the True Meaning of Christmas, such as Grinch and Who dolls, Grinch Nabisco snacks, Grinch and Whoville-opoly board games, Grinch Pop-Tarts, Grinch Green Public Water, Grinch Lawn Mowers and Grinch Artificial Hips, to name a few. And to top it off, we get the Grinch Visa commercial, which waxes poetic about how Christmas is about togetherness, then actually says, “but just in case we’re wrong, Visa is giving away certain purchases for free!” Thanks for the reminder, Visa!! I’m sure that all that spinning in Dr. Geisel’s grave is due to his joy over maybe getting a Visa purchase on the house!

In fact, The Grinch is doing so well at the box office that Seuss Enterprises, the company that manages all of Seuss’ work and gave permission for the Grinch movie, plans to dig up Geisel’s body, put one of the famous red-and-white striped hats on him and have him host the new television show “Doctor Seuss Presents,” which features sequels to all of Seuss’ famous tales, giving us lots more toys to enjoy!! Wheeee!! Let me tell you, to Seuss Enterprises, it’s no coincidence that the Grinch is the same color as money!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I just burned out the sarcasm lobe of my brain.

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