Mass Deaths Expected Due to Exposure, Lack of Clothing
August 19, 2001

RANT #88: Misc.
Summary: Fashion experts say: cleavage, midriff, "in"; warm winter clothing, "out"
Full Text:

   Wandering through major, top-name clothing stores geared towards junior females could be a major shock to some this upcoming season, as fall and winter clothing hits the racks. The question on most peoples' minds? "Where the hell are the CLOTHES?"
   "This is fall clothing?" said one anonymous 17 year old, holding up two small pieces of cloth held together by a knot of strings. "Are they sure they just didn't get an extra shipment of bathing suits? How are you even supposed to wear this thing?"
   Department stores across the country have donned signs promising "Fall Selections Just In!" and "Back to School Sales!" but, upon actually entering the stores, the unsuspecting shopper is confronted with endless racks of nearly-bare hangers.
   "The more flesh they show off, the better. Who cares if it's blue?" asked a top fashion consultant for a leading junior clothing store. "We're here to make sure these girls look like Britney Spears, year-round."
   It's true: most fashion experts believe today's teenage girls should live fast, die young, and leave a scantily-clad, frostbitten corpse.

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