Infomercials: Mind melting tool of television.
August 7, 2001

RANT #86: Misc.
Summary: Hopefully one day it will all end.
Full Text:

This afternoon while watching a healthy dose quality programming (e.g: the daily show with Jon Stewart and my re-runs of SNL )I came by some 30 different infomercials. Where i would rather stick my head into a vat filled with snake livers and fire ants i decided to see what they had to offer me.

Apparently the first and every fifth infomercial i saw spoke of the world reknown epilspray. Spraying this pressurized wonder juice from an aerosol can to the surface of your skin lets you watch yourself smear hair off your back , face and anywhere else you can spray. Sounds like fun. Then I had the privelige to watch the missing link remove layers of his fur from his back.

Of course theres more, how can one watch tv without seeing the classic 4 cd music collections for the amazing prices of $39.99. Who can't live
without there own copies of christian rock's best hits, with songs like "shine jesus shine" . if you haven't lashed in a fit of lunacy then try
the 2 cd set of childrens favorites, a collection of 400 songs all sung in the same tune by 400 little brats. If i wanted that i'd turn the radio on to the local mainstream radio staion.

Yet who can not watch televsion without being amused by useless tools. A hammer with an attatched flashlight, a lawnmower with highbeams
or a flash light that you can turn a full 180 degrees up and down with your thumb, in case you forgot how to point your wrist in the direction
you want light. Or maybe the bagel cutter which allows you to symetrically cut a bagel into 2.

Although most infomercials would naturally fry your intelligence to an edible little crisp there still is a genre which gets the golden star. The magic little pill infomercial. Whether it be for weightloss , depression, sex, or weightloss the side effects always interest me the most. Seeing the possibility of undergoing possible kidney failure, diarea, nosebleeds, mild jaundice coughing blood, bleeding from every orifice, enuresis ,orthostatic hypotension ,post-traumatic stress disorder ..........

really makes me question the intelligence of
people who by these products.

I think i will make it my goal in life to destroy this brain rotting doomsday weapon along with reality tv and olsen twin specials. But probably not.

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