Broadswords vs Shortswords
November 27, 2000

RANT #25: Sports & Activities
The Marquis de Guillermo
Summary: An examination of the broadsword versus the shortsword for use in vanquishing the Demon Horde and other vicious monstrosities.
Full Text:

Yesterday evening, I was beset upon by the Demon Horde. They fell like rain from the trees of Merivale Ave., scaly skins glistening in the half-light. As I stared upon the creatures, their razor-sharp grins widening, I realized that theirs was not a diplomatic convoy. As the words of my favourite Dwarven warcry left my lips, I drew my broadsword. The battle was swift and easy, leaving me proud of one of the night's earlier decisions; it caused me to reaffirm my belief that the broadsword is a far superior Demon-blade than the shortsword. It is the finest of weapons for the Demon-slayer, and an armament no Hero should be without.
To begin with, the broadsword protects against several general elements of the Demon threat. When the beasts' puss-green, skin-melting blood spurts from their wounds, a shortsword (which, because of its sparse length, is too often fully impaled in the enemy) leaves your precious hand dangerously close to the spray. Upon injuring a Demon with a longsword or broadsword, however, your fingers are significantly more distant from the venomous injury. Your wrist is also further (and therefore safer) from the Demon's needle-like teeth; many an adventurer has lost a hand to the gullet of an attacker. It should also be noted that while daggers 'stab', broadswords 'slice' - the latter having a far more satisfying sound, and far more satisfying results.

Broadswords can also be put to good use in diplomatic missions. When a demon or troll is behaving like an idiot, during peace talks, for instance, you can make use of the flat of the blade to strike the fool across the back of the head (without doing permanent damage). This will often bring your fellow ambassador to his senses, if it does not serve as the catalyst for a war.

To be sure, the broadsword has great advantages over the shortsword: both in combat and mediation. Much can be accomplished by making use of its wide range, and wide, flat surface. It is an essential tool in both my adventures, and the escapades of thousands more. Never leave the castle without it - for who knows what lurks in the shadows.

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