An open letter to John Ulmer
July 13, 2004

RANT #247: Arts & Entertainment
Sam Elliot
Summary: I'm coming after you, chump, for your poor commentary!
Full Text:

John Ulmer (  made some comments about Rocky III that are very bogus. (see

"we see Rocky and Apollo running on the beach in short-shorts and lifting weights together and boxing and doing jump ropes. (These things may be interpreted as homosexual nowadays, by the way.)

Having boxed a bit myself, the "Rocky" series always seems pretty close to reality. I've never been in a ring like "real" boxers, but I've done the same training with boxing bags and running and jump ropes and so on. It's hard work, just like it is in the movie. And this is the perfect film to give you the inspiration to work out. Strange, right? Don't ever, ever quote me on that last paragraph. In fact, just forget the entire thing."

Dear John,

Briefly I would like to state why I thought your review/comments sucked.

1)In 1982, most people wore short shorts.  Two boxers training together should not suggest anything homosexual unless you are immature or just plain dumb.
2) The Rocky movies all try to say that blood n'guts training beats overconfident meatheads.  But let's get one thing straight: the movies aren't like real boxing.  Mr. T threw wild haymakers and went for almost the entire duration of the fight without any blocking, among other things.  You admit to not getting in the ring and I question your boxing knowledge.
3) Your little cop out at the end illustrates why you should think before you post, chump!

John, go ahead and be inspired about Rocky training for the title, but keep it to yourself.  Your review stood out to me as very poorly written, simple minded drivel.  The usefulness of sites like IMDB and Amazon for looking up information on a title is degraded when crappy reviews get published.  The only positive thing I can say is that you may have helped me remember to avoid the user comments section in the future.

But I still oughta clobber ya.


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