Attention, Clever People
January 25, 2004

RANT #220: Society & Politics
Summary: An open letter to Clever People regarding the difficulties of navigating modern life especially bland mass-culture. Also discusses love.
Questionable Content This rant contains profanity or other offensive material.
Full Text:

Attention, Clever People:

A moment of your time, if I may. There are a few issues that we need to sort out.

I am very sensitive. I read a lot of works of great literature about love lost and found. I enjoy irony and the bittersweet taste of happiness slipping through my fingers. I dont go to clubs, meat markets I like to call them. Well, this isn't strictly true. Sometimes it's fun to get grab a bunch of friends, go out and get drunk while marvelling at the mating habits of Frat Boys and Young Republicans. I've never picked anyone up during one of these outings, I wouldn't know how. I reserve my kisses for a deeper bond than the sweat of the dance floor.

I enjoy obscure movies. It saddens me, the way that standard Hollywood fare falls so far below the potentials of the medium. I can't stand the way that the current label system consigns so many amazing artists to obscurity while endlessly over promoting the same tired engineered boy bands and bad girls. I subsist on a diet of MP3s and import CDs.

I feel trapped, outnumbered. There are a lot of them and so few of us. I ask myself: how can the world get any better when the idiots are getting married and having kids at eighteen? It's basic arithmetic. They're outbreeding us. My hope for a better world grows dim. I treasure my few friends dearly.

I know that love is a terrible thing. I know that the romantic comedies and R&B love songs are lies. Cotton Candy fluff, no closer to the real thing than Harlequin Romances or Porn. Real love is a terrible passion that seizes the heart and propels the soul. It is complicated and difficult and nearly impossible to find.

I've been looking for it for a long time.

In short, Clever People, I am a Pretentious Fuck. Actually, I'm not. You are. See, I was talking about you. This is called Dramatic Irony. You may have read about it in your literature class.

Let's get one thing clear, Clever People. Being clever is no excuse for being mean. Yet, over and over I have seen you be very mean indeed to other people. I know, I know, they were mean to you in High School and now that you've gotten into University the tables have finally turned. I can understand that it is very tempting. You're hurting and you want to make them hurt the way that you've hurt.

You are very good with words and I can respect that. But using words to push people around is no better than using a baseball bat. Remember in Junior High when they pinned you down in the locker room and stuffed your face into the pile of sweaty underwear? That was wrong. Don't emulate it. This goes for the clever ladies, too. I don't know what you had to suffer in High School and I'm sure it was awful. That's no excuse for the way you snubbed that girl with the Prada bag. She's smarter than you think and she knows you're dismissing her (note to clever men: she also noticed your dismissal).

Next, let's discuss love. Love is only this complicated because you keep making it this complicated. Stop leading them on. Stop torturing yourself over it. You know that pattern you're in? The disinterest / infatuation / confusion / boredom / disinterest one? Stop it. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

"But Snowmit," you protest, "it's not my fault that things are so messed up with (him, her, them, boys, girls)."

Maybe you're right, Clever People. Maybe it is their fault. Here are two things that you can do to ensure that you're protected: 1) Make extra double-plus sure that you've been clear with them about things. 2) If you're sure that it's their fault, GET AWAY FROM THEM. Stop falling for people who are bad for you. If the same bad thing happens to you over and over again, then you are getting involved with the WRONG PEOPLE. I don't know why I'm having to explain this to you but you don't seem to have been able to work it out for yourself.

You can do better, Clever People. You have a very big brain and a large vocabulary. You know that constant sense of dissatisfaction with the world? That's a hint. You should do something about it. Common decency would be a good start. Openness and honesty about matters of the heart would make a good second step. After that, it's up to you.

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