Star Wars can suck me (major profanity warning, duh)
December 28, 2003

RANT #217: Arts & Entertainment
Zaphod's abandoned third head and fourth pancreas (a head-panc joint)
 
Summary: In an educated and respectful manner I call into question the logic behind George Lucas' re-re-re-release of the original Star Wars trilogy.
 
Questionable Content This rant contains profanity or other offensive material.
 
Full Text:

 
WHAT THE FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Why is that every bad thing that has ever been said about george lucas is always completely true!?

For those of you who haven't heard about the re-re-re-release of episodes 4,5 and 6 (that's right, there was the THX version, the Special Edition and now the new one) is scheduled to be released next september!

For the South Park fans among us, I'm sure you all remember the infamous "Free Hat" episode in which George Lucas goes crazy and redoes Raiders of the Lost Ark with ewoks, this new movie seems like it might be just as bad.

WHAT THE FUCK! Lucas has gone mad with power! Some of the changes listed include replacing Anakin's ghost at the end of Jedi with Hayden Christensen all done up to look old, with Padme at his side! George Lucas always had it in for David Prowse and he has finally completely removed the man inside the suit from the series, although looking at what Star Wars has become, I'd count myself lucky to have nothing to do with it.

Hows this for complete fucking bullshit! Yoda is to be CG! YODA? Again? For continuity, they're changing the voices of all the storm troopers and boba fett to be done by the guy from episode II! Somewhere along the line Lucas got the idea that Boba Fett was popular and should therefor be the principle character of the entire god damn series!

There's a ton more, but one piece in particular makes me want to vomit all over my widescreen special edition box set: In Jedi, when all the people are celebrating the downfall of the empire, you see more planets cheering, including.... Naboo... and.... the gungans.... and....their leader.....
....
...

...

do I even need to say it?

....
...
...
I won't.
You already know the son-of-a-bitch,fucking,cunt-faced,scrotum scratching answer.

Let's all pray to God that George Lucas has a fatal coronary heart attack tonight and fails in his attempt to beat Michael Jackson's record of worst fuckings up of a good thing for no reason.

I'm spent. This fucking sucks. Sucks balls.
 


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