Who Do Those Clowns Think They Are?
November 27, 2000

RANT #14: Misc.
Summary: Beware the wrath of the clowns.
Full Text:

Well, maybe clowns... but what right do they have going around bothering children with those little squeaky balloon animals? The flamboyant pants should be enough to warn any parent away from those freaks. "Hey Kids! I've got fancy pants!" they say. "Stay away and run for your lives, kids" I say. The clowns don't seem to like that very much but it serves them right. Ever read IT? Well if you did you'd be immediately convinced of what I'm saying. IT disguises ITself as an EEEVVVILL clown who goes around and eats little children. The smell of smudged greasepaint should send anyone running! Watch out for the clowns with the seltzer bottles... they think they're so funny. Ya! Spray yourself whydoncha Mr. Clown! See how ya like that! And those cream pies... what to say about those... except Get the HELL away from me! You ain't coming over here with any of that cream-puff... so you might as well save yourself the trouble by pieing yourself! Some of you think you're smart by doing that. You're not. You darn clowns. Just what are those big red noses for anyway? You think your special if you look like a cartoon drunk? We'll see how funny you are without your Mister Big-Man-Nose. Though some drunks are funny, You are Not. If I ever catch any of you happy-faced, white-gloved, silly-walking, goofy-looking, party-pooping, raggin-fraggin, Orange-haired hippy-freaks around here you'd better watch out, or you'll be wishing you'd have stayed in bed this morning and never put on that frilly ruff or those great big floppy Ronald McDonald shoes.

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