November 13, 2002

RANT #139: Misc.
Sir Francis Drake
Summary: Evil pirates, the problems they may cause, and a 10 step solution to those problems.
Full Text:

Have you ever wondered what that strange scratching noise coming from the back of your refrigerator is? How about that that 10 piece set of collectible rapiers that are stuck into your bed, outlining your body when you wake up in the morning? Or maybe the plank nailed to your back porch, and the newly installed without your permission, 12ft. swimming pool filled with evil sharkies? Well my friend, maybe you will be surprised when you move your refrigerator and find a HOOK HAND, look on those collector rapiers and find the words Property of an evil pirate, or see that very same logo on the plank!
Yes my friend, that is the work of an evil pirate, a pranksta and gangsta of the seven seas. Oh, so you say you dont live on the water? It doesnt matter, evil pirates use black magic and their ships can fly. And dont think the police will help you, they are part of the pirate conspiracy, you have to deal with an evil pirate yourself. How You ask? 10 SIMPLE STEPS

1-always keep shark repelant handy
2-hire a viking to guard your back porch, pirates hate vikings
3-purchase 12,  90 degree revolving siege cannons, ANTI-PIRATE brand is most recommended
4-never leave your house w/o a pirate radar
5-purchase eye patch
6-cut off your own hand
7-using adhesive or nails, install that hook hand you found under the fridge
8-wait for pirates
9-sell them their own rapiers back at DOUBLE value
10-and most importantly, YOURE A PIRATE NOW



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