Are you there God? It's me, Appelle.
August 28, 2002

RANT #124: Misc.
Summary: I have a stye.
Questionable Content This rant contains profanity or other offensive material.
Full Text:

Dear Omnipotent Being That Rules Over Us All, If In Fact Such a Being Exists,

Hey. I'm Appelle. I'm sorry if I should have an employee ID number or something, I can't seem to find one. Hopefully you'll be able to suss out which one of the billions of miraculous little creations I am.

No, to the left of him.

There you go. That's right. I'm the one with the sty. Yes, it is painful, thank you for noticing. I just had a couple of questions here, OBTROUAIIFSaBE.


I think you know that I'm generally the kind of person who disclaimers her life complaints with, "But, there are people who are suffering much more than me, and I will help them and thereby find peace and happiness in my own life." You should know. SOMEONE planted that script in my head. I'm sure you have a zygote room where we're all bombarded with recorded messages. No, no. It's ok. I don't need to know for sure if I'm an Alpha or a Beta.

My point here is, OBTROUAIIFSaBE, I don't think I'm what you'd call a "whiner". But of late some things have happened that I'm just not comfortable with accepting blindly. Ha, ha. That was a little joke, see, cause my LEFT EYE IS COVERED WITH A PATCH. What the hell is up with styes, huh? And why haven't they gone the way of scurvy, or Kashin-Beck disease, and shit like that?

What's that?

Yes, I know those things are still prevalent in "developing" countries, and trust me, it's foremost on my mind, but I'm in Leslieville here, OBTROUAIIFSaBE, not Jiangsu province. I'm aware that it's a lot to ask, but if you could see fit to take care of this for me, I promise you I'll be more on the ball about some other stuff. Won't hear a peep out of me about terror, heartbreak, AIDS, famine, global warming, or not being able to get out of bed in the morning. Or the afternoon. Just, please take care of this sty business.

Complaint form?

Ah, fuck you.

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