About the Author

Column Archive

The Flaming Sideburns: Save Rock'n Roll

(rating key)

if you like this you'll like: The Hives, Mooney Suzuki, etc.

REVIEW: The Flaming Sideburns: Save Rock'n roll
11.11.2002 by Jon

The Flaming Sideburns: Save Rock'n Roll [Jetset, 2002]

Three words? boring like church

I got in a fight the other night with some straightedge guy I was at a potluck with. He made some joke, and everyone laughed politely, except for me. He looked at me, and said: "You don't laugh much, do you?" Which I took offense to, because I do laugh. Honestly. Perhaps it was because I had been into my cups, being the sole dedicated drinker at this particular shindig, but I responded "Well, no, I don't laugh at things that aren't funny." He of course took offense to the truth, as people are particularly wont to do these days more than ever, and barraged me with hippy feelgood talk like: "Parties work better if everyone just gets along."

I wanted to puke, and it wasn't the liquour.

This led me to think that maybe I am a bit humorless these days. I did some soul-searching, and, in the midst of this process, I was presented with this CD. Of course I rolled my eyes at the title and bandname, but, as the even-handed fellow I've proven myselt to be, felt it only fair to listen to it before panning it.

I was conflicted. The results were just as I expected after a few listens. So I called mom, to confirm the fact that what I was feeling wasn't just unfounded bile. If she had produced nothing in her life but me, that would be ample justification to refer to her as a font of wisdom, but she is quite the accomplished intellectual herself, and I value her opinion.

"Mom, you didn't give birth to a crank, did you?" I asked.

"No, son, but you might have turned out that way. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's this CD I have to review. It's called Save Rock 'n Roll by The Flaming Sideburns. If I have to tell anyone again how boring I find Mooney Suzuki ripoff bands, they themselves being a bad ripoff of whatever bullshit references they would spout, I'll vomit. I'll just vomit in disgust. Let me read you some of the titles, mom. 'Sweet Sound of L.U.V.' That's right. They spell it out incorrectly. Jeez, I can't even imagine being at a practice and proposing that name. 'Blow the Roof'. How embarassing is that? Very.

"And the whole CD just sucks. It starts off with this bad Spanish yelling and then the same boring skronk-rock guitar riff that we've all heard and despised a million times, and the requisite sloppy drums and then the bad vocals with the worse backup vocals.

"And the lyrics? Forget about them. These guys are too busy 'partying' to worry about lyrics. 'I feel alive/Yeah yeah/Jesus made me realize/How it is to be crucified'. I think he's making some allusion to love, but I'm cringing too much to tell.

"And the guitar solos? Jesus, mom, I'm gonna die if I have to hear another. Why do people a) spend this much time practicing this drek and b) spend any money on recording it? Why, mom? Why?"

"Well, son," she replied "Give it a bad review, then."

And so I have. If you're a moron, you'll love this CD. I'll give it a 1 out of 10 because of the packaging. It'll make a nice coaster for the next time I decide to get drunk and ridicule some poor bastard from BC.

Disclaimer | Email Us | Dance!
Text, images, design, and our groovy mojo are ©
return to the top of the page