Top Ten Complaints Among Characters from the Matrix
November 17, 2003:   By A Good Ladd, #167
10. 
Eye strain from wearing sunglasses all the time, even when it's not f**king sunny.
9. 
Constantly tripping over long, flowing coats.
8. 
Whacked in the face by ecstatic, writhing underground dancer.
7. 
Tired of Morpheus and his Goddamn pseudo-philosophical crap.
6. 
Brain tumours from excessive cell phone use.
5. 
Meals are always messy because all the f**king spoons are bent out of shape.
4. 
Various injuries from just-for-the-hell-of-it, no-reason-whatsoever, fancy martial arts fights.
3. 
VD from unprotected sex with Neo ("Come on, baby, we don't need a condom; I'm the one!")
2. 
Forgetting they're in the real world and trying run up a wall and do a triple-flip.
1. 
Broken bones from falling into the huge plotholes.
Editor's Note: 11. sucking too much.
 
 
 

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Top Ten Complaints Among Characters from the Matrix
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